Thursday, 25 April 2019

Dishing Tea: Sugar Scams, Part 7


Today, I'm back to the findom community, and I'm here to explain some dynamics I've noticed - and talk about intra-community controversy as well. But what is financial domination? Think of it as BDSM with a monetary twist. Who is it, and who gets into it? And what does it have to do with scamming?

Disclaimer: Once again, this week's post will reference sexual topics and discussions, and reader discretion is advised.

Technically, the financial domination community isn't a scam - but the sugar daddy scammers prey on them both. Surprisingly, even though sugar babies are mostly submissive in role and financial dominatrixes are dominant, the actual financial interactions tend to be startlingly similar. Men usually provide money, and women usually take it - but the findom community has a lot more young men than one might expect, and dommes come in more ages, shapes, sizes, ethnicities, and even genders than sugar babies, who are usually young, attractive, and slender (I didn't see any nonbinary sugar babies on my feed, just hundreds of girls and a few young men here and there).

There's overlap between the young (mostly) women who aspire to make a living from their beauty and acting abilities on one side and the young, mostly women who seek out patronage from one or more (usually) gentlemen.

That may sound like an overly generous perspective on what is, essentially, sex work - but most people fail to realise that sex work is quite resource-intensive and requires a lot of skill. It's not just about the ability to handle and deal with a stranger's genitalia - it's about evaluating someone's needs, the emotional interactions and labour, the acquisition and screening of clients, the ability to portray a certain appearance and live up to a fantasy, the knowledge bases required for various industries (such as BDSM terminology, etc), and of course, managing social media streams to interact with and get clients/attention - all while keeping this life within apparent legal perimeters and/or keeping oneself safe. Even in mostly non-contact areas like financial domination, working a sexual chat service, or being a camgirl, these skills are all still required.

Because the majority of people feel sexual attraction to some degree and have some kind of active sex life, including with themselves (masturbation counts), there's often an assumption that pornographic actresses and actors and other sex workers have "easy jobs." This is very much not the case, as sex work can be quite physically strenuous and emotionally demanding. It's also ludicrous to demand that everyone in the field be having a "sincere orgasm" or "do it for fun" at all times, because the same demand is never made for the smiles of retail clerks. We don't ask cooks to put love in every bite of restaurant food. The truth is, capitalism demands performative social skills,. Performative social skills that may not reflect one's real mood state are pretty much universally required in every industry and even in many social situations - and that's okay.

Now, what does this have to do with financial domination?


 I am currently exploring this field, because the sugar daddies do try and target dommes as well - marking their posts with "paypig" and "cashcow" and "findom" hashtags as well as the more conventional "sugardaddytwitter," "sugardaddywanted," and "sugardaddy" or "sugarbaby" tags.

That said, the findom community is pretty tightly knit, and the people who are serious about it are generally on Twitter a lot and very consistent. But there are up-sides and downsides.

All shun the Instadommes


Most of the findommes on Twitter fit a particular look and aesthetic, tweeting in a bratty, demanding style. The older findommes, of course, absolutely hate this and call the bratty young subs "Instadommes" - punning both on their lack of experience and their Instagram-style beauty. While there is merit to the argument that not following BDSM protocols is bad practice for a professional domme, expecting new people to somehow magically accrue experience and wisdom before they even join the community is absurd. Also, as anyone experienced in BDSM can tell you, sometimes one has to try something to find out whether it appeals to them.

The thing is, actually figuring out who counts as an Instadomme isn't particularly easy. Sure, "Fuck you, pay me" tweets, raised-middle-finger selfies, and low follower counts may be prevalent...but it's absolutely impossible to tell the experienced dommes from the so-called fraudulent newcomers. At least one domme with over 4K followers (an enormous following by the standards of this subculture) has the same style as the so-called Instadommes. In effect, the term is a nebulous "No True Scotsman" critique that lacks a substantive core.

One small problem


The prevalent assertions that "Instadommes" are bad and that anyone doing financial domination should be deriving sexual/topping gratification from it first, and making money second, both made me cringe.

That would be great if it wasn't for the dystopian state of capitalism in our era. I also have to raise an eyebrow at the inclusion of a prominent and easily recognized community member's post in their list of bad behavior. That kind of thing just leads to community conflict.

Of course, anyone who's either been on the internet for five minutes or has studied history for about ten minutes will tell you that inter-community conflict is inevitable. I'm not going to roast anyone for what's basically inevitable social behavior, consistent across cultures and millennia. People disagree, even when they have common interests and goals, and the best way to deal with it is hearing out both sides and trying not to hold grudges.

That said, prominent findommes were quick to explain why Instadommes - nicknamed both for their quick entry into the industry and their tendency to conform to a certain style - are frowned on. Taking money and running is actually considered bad practice. Yes, it's a financially-charged roleplay, but that doesn't mean findommes are unaware of the risks or their own responsibilities in a D/s relationship. Actually having a relationship with the sub and building it (not necessarily dating, of course) and actually talking to someone rather than just demanding tributes with open hands all seem reasonable to me. Just because people fantasize about blackmail and homewreckers and such doesn't mean they desire the reality of those scenarios, and that's an important distinction!

The flip side


Perhaps somewhat disappointingly, financial domination is - not unlike being a sugar baby - a lot more work than it seems. Posting good content regularly, reposting and retweeting, arranging payment methods and signing up for various websites - it's all work.

And that's before one even considers that many men who want to be paypigs can't necessarily afford to do so. Nicknamed "timewasters," these fellows will pop into a domme's DMs, request tasks or humiliation...and then sneak off without sending the requisite "tribute" or anything at all. Basically, it's stealing emotional labour. If this happened between friends, it would be rude, but financial dominatrixes are offering a service, not just talking down to men and setting them absurd tasks for their own amusement.

That's another thing about financial domination - coming up with good tasks for the submissives, things that are sufficiently difficult or humiliating but not dangerous, is quite tricky! If anyone is interested in pursuing this, I would recommend an existing background in BDSM and a whole bunch of research. The same cautions from my sugar baby post earlier in the series apply here, but being a dominant is a high-responsibility position in many ways.

However, if you like having people compliment your feet, address you as "Goddess" or with other endearments, and you're willing to be kind and polite to your fellow domme colleagues, you might be cut out for it. Just don't expect easy or fast money...


And finally, if anyone feels like actually gracing my account with a tip after reading this series, here is my real Paypal.me and my Ko-fi.

***
Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and Max the cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people's manuscripts, the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.

Find her all over the internet: * 
OG Blog * Mailing list * Magpie Editing * 
Amazon * Medium * Twitter * Instagram * Facebook * Tumblr * Paypal.me * Ko-fi

Tuesday, 16 April 2019

"My Last Baby Died of Typhoid": Sugar Scams, Part 6

Whilst continuing to investigate the intriguing world of sugar scams and the financial domination subculture, I realised that I had yet to post an amusing roundup of the excuses I've gotten from alleged daddies to explain why they won't give money through Paypal and why they absolutely, definitely need real bank login information.

Now, I'm the kind of bold, brassy gal who's willing to try anything for science, truth, and beauty. Accordingly, my next articles will offer more information about the financial domination community (including its struggles, internal tension, and advice about how to become a financial dominatrix) and some up-close-and-personal encounters with sugar scammers. I'm even going to try out some of the scams with a burner bank account and see what happens - if anything.

I know, I know - I'm a glutton for punishment and very foolhardy, but someone has to do the dirty work. That being said, I'm considering turning this research into a podcast and/or a short nonfiction book, with the intent of offering useful information to the internet at large and helping vulnerable folks think twice about these purportedly golden offers. After all, if evading scammers was as simple as "being smart," scams wouldn't work. I'm planning to do more research to understand why it's so hard to believe others are lying, and to distrust others in general.

If you're interested in this project, reach out to me in the comments section or on my social media (links below). I want to hear from you! If you don't have anything to say other than, "This is really cool and I want to support you," please still reach out, because that feedback means a lot. Also consider sending me a donation at my Ko-fi or Paypal links and/or sharing the article. After all, I'm doing this to help protect people on the internet - and to satisfy everyone's mutual morbid curiosity about scammers.

Okay, on to the main feature - a collection of screenshots from my conversations with various miscreants. I will be including their Twitter handles. I suppose that's a breach of trust - but these are scammers, so the usual rules about ethics and personal consideration have already been violated. I wouldn't share private conversations without permission under normal circumstances...but these aren't normal circumstances. Anyway, on with the show!






"I got scammed of 17 million, that why my bank disabled me from using them." Yes. This is definitely a thing that has happened in the world.  


I'm not gonna lie - after a while, I got pretty fed up with playing dumb with these scammers, and decided to just start calling them on their crap to see what happens. The answer? They just block you and look for the next mark. 




As you can see, plenty of the scammers get impatient about their acts, and try to get their mark to hand over financial information as soon as possible. However, some common traits became apparent from scammers. 
Signs of a scammer include: 
  • "Daddy", "dad", or "sugar" somewhere in the username 
  • Inconsistent stories (Where are you from? answer vs Twitter location) 
  • Different names and Twitter handles (i.e. "Mary Johnson 404" vs "KatyPetty20" for the actual username) 
  • Poor English and spelling (with interestingly uniform errors, at that - based on my experience with second or non-primary English speakers, I'm guessing a lot of them hail from India or other Desi areas, but the inclusion of prepositions and pluralisation errors suggest African languages? I plan to look into this further) 
  • Vague details from their personal life 
  • Excessive yet relatively non-specific flattery and compliments 

Not everyone, though, is quite as overt or downright rude as the two "daddies" I chatted with above. 
One scammer pretended to be a somewhat doddering woman of forty (which, honestly, was suspicious from the jump, because most of the forty-something women I've met are sharp, sexy, well-spoken, and have natural leadership skills) who was just looking for someone to spoil. I played along with her ruse. I almost believed it...but in the last couple of days, she demanded my bank login info and the purchase of a Sephora gift card. I knew the gig was up, so I decided to ask some questions.

(Like a complete genius, I didn't bother screenshotting the questions before Twitter deleted them. Sorry, folks.)

"Nope, you're clearly a scammer. The name inconsistencies and the location errors were the big tip off, by the way. So, is there like a roomful of scammers somewhere?" I asked. "Do you have a company somewhere? I've noticed a lot of commonalities." 

Of course, that resulted in no answer whatsoever, but I'm not convinced that these scammers - who all use very similar, uniform tactics - represent a single person apiece. To be honest, I think there's probably some kind of very large company with a few branches or clusters, and I think they're getting some kind of training on how to do this. It's not impossible - after all, before I became an editor, I briefly worked in online banking at a call centre for Scotiabank. Teaching us scripts and uniform ways of responding to and creating questions was also part of my retail career. 

(It sucked, mostly because of the incredibly stringent company rules during the training period, and more so, because my boss at the time was a Vogon bully who decided I was the worst, for no reason I can discern. Moving on...) 

 Point is, there's clearly a method to these scams, and a uniformity that suggests planning and forethought. Sure, they probably use some sort of clickfarm (a nightmarish array of smartphones set up to follow an algorithm that creates fake accounts) to make the Twitter accounts, but there's a human element in the responses. 

One of the scammers did a better job than usual of passing herself off as an older, internet-ignorant woman; she claimed to be only forty, but her writing style suggested she was much older. Nervous and interrogating my commitment to her, but complimenting my replies warmly, I started to think she might be the real deal. Mind you, she also claimed that "[her] last baby died of typhoid, and [she] was very annoyed, as [she] had just paid for a new car for her..." and that she'd been scammed out of 30K on Paypal. (Apologies for the lack of a screenshot again.)

It was just weird enough to be plausible. But when it came time to talk about my "allowance", and talk about money, she finally asked me to buy a Sephora gift card. Recognizing the the pattern once again, I regretfully blocked and reported her account, knowing that once again, the same old pattern was in play. 


And finally, if anyone feels like actually gracing my account with a tip after reading this series, here is my real Paypal.me and my Ko-fi.

***
Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and Max the cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people's manuscripts, the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.

Find her all over the internet: * 
OG Blog * Mailing list * Magpie Editing * 
Amazon * Medium * Twitter * Instagram * Facebook * Tumblr * Paypal.me * Ko-fi

Wednesday, 10 April 2019

Go Big or Go Ho(m)e: Sugar Scams, Part 5

My ongoing investigation into Twitter's sugar daddies, sugar babies, and the slightly overlapping financial domination fetish market continues!

This week, I have advice for anyone considering the market - whether idly or seriously. As usual, links are seeded throughout the essay.

Disclaimer:


This post will cover adult themes and concepts. I will try to be discreet and tasteful, but after this point, expect allusions to sexuality and romance. Reader discretion is advised.

Twitter makes it seem as though getting paid is easy. But even getting paid doesn't mean you're actually getting money in your account that will stick around. Because this series does focus on scams, here's a link to a common one that's very, very popular on Twitter - the 419 scam. Basically, the "sugar daddy" gets your login info and sends you a payment - often far more than you asked for, and with no real strings attached. Then, once the cheque appears to have cleared - although the money may not actually have been processed by the bank - they ask you to spend the extra money on errands for them. Then, once the week is up, the cheque bounces - leaving you accountable not only for the money they sent you, but for any extra money you may have spent from the overpayment.

It sounds like it would be easy to see through, but greed and desperation make it easy to turn one's head. Throughout my own investigations, it really has been difficult at times to remember that no matter how manipulative the tactics and language, none of these folks are the real deal. And honestly, a lot of them get incredibly creative with their backstories.

I decided to find out what it would take to become a real sugar baby, and with that in mind, I trawled through Reddit's sugar communities to see what people were saying. There's a lot to critique about Reddit, but it has its useful and positive pockets, and that was very much the case for the sugar communities.

The first rule of sex club...


...Is that you should talk about sex club, keep yourself safe with rubber and other preventative measures, and don't take it for granted. Sex work is work. It's easy to think of sex work as relatively easy - after all, don't you have to just lie on your back and wait until someone is done?  - but it's truly not the case. People come to sugar babies and sex workers (there's a lot of overlap) for companionship, comfort, to satisfy kinks, and to connect with another person in ways they can't in their ordinary life. Orgasms start between the ears and behind the eyes - not just between one's legs.

With that in mind, having a broad and comprehensive knowledge of BDSM and polyamory terminology is an absolute must. Know your rights, know how consent works, and know what risk-aware consensual kink is (as well as how it works). If you're sexually squeamish, this probably isn't the profession for you - but I'd recommend researching the area even more so, because it's very interesting and fascinating. Perhaps more importantly, there's something about understanding the weirdness of human sexuality that's oddly heart-warming. Everyone's got their weird kinks and predilections, and it's much harder to judge ourselves or others when we embrace our shared strangeness (in a consenting, aware, and responsible environment, of course).

But wait, there's more!


Another thing that's of vital importance is people skills. Are you a good conversationalist? Believe me, you'll need to be. If you're not particularly good at talking to others, don't fret or feel ashamed; it's an art, and like any skill, can be trained. Both old and modern etiquette guides are a good way to study the basics, but I have personally found that keeping myself educated about a variety of areas and staying abreast of news has been tremendously helpful. Yes, that's a formidable task - but the challenge keeps one's mind agile. There are many resources which can drip-feed or summarize information, specifically targeting beginners in an area, and those are great choices. Don't undervalue your existing knowledge bases for things like true crime or Pokemon or anything of that ilk, either - there's always someone, somewhere, who's hiding their passion for some weird topic.

Another element of being a good conversationalist is counselling and interview skills. I cannot recommend studying these areas enough; frankly, they make one a better human and a more pleasant companion. The most important technique I learned in school was how to shut up when someone was talking, and the second-most important technique I learned was how to ask for more information about someone's topic of interest. If if you're not interested in sex work, but you are interested in being less awkward, look into these subjects. Awkwardness is nothing to be ashamed of; neither is it an overpowering trait that must needs control your life and hamper every interaction.

How do sugar relationships feel and work? 


As I've made pretty clear, there is a sex work element to being a sugar baby, but each relationship is both different and comparable to others. That may sound like a non-answer, but hear me out. Real sugar relationships do involve connection and companionship (as well as sex, though the sex isn't mandatory - though the forum posts I saw seemed to insist that it was, so who knows?).

In some ways, becoming a sugar baby is like applying for jobs. I was surprised (and amused) by the amount of common ground I saw between sugar babies and freelancers like myself. Dating and job interviews have a lot of similarities, especially in the modern era, and being a sugar baby basically lands in the Venn diagrammatic intersection of both. (Of course, sometimes there are hilarious and peculiar stories, and looking for those is rewarding enough on its own.)

It seems like it should be easy - find someone rich, talk to them, profit - but like everything else, it requires skills and refinement of those skills to be effective. In addition, trying to be something you're not or going against your nature will soon result in failure. If you want to be a perfect, doll-like Instagram beauty, that's great! But if you're, say, more of a crunchy, dreamy person, or more of a casual person, then don't try to be an Instagram model.

Instead, try to be the best possible version of your natural self. Whatever you do, seek to do it better. Focusing on what you desire and like most will ensure your success far more than trying to match what other people do - even though comparing oneself to those who put hours into their appearance and makeup skills can be very intimidating, and even disheartening. Stick it out, and don't let negative self-image convince you that you're being honest with yourself. To make it as a sugar baby, good self-esteem and the ability to appraise your strengths and weaknesses frankly are absolutely mandatory. (In all fairness, these skills are broadly useful in the rest of life, too.)

The magic vibe


That being said, one may connect with a boss or sugar parent, or one may not connect, and the latter makes it unlikely to land an arrangement. If you can't tell whether you're connecting with someone or not - and granted, that can be hard to figure out - I'd suggest practicing social skills and interactions elsewhere before seeking a sugar relationship. It's a bit hard to describe, but fast typing and enthusiasm in tone tend to signal a connection online. In person, dilated pupils, leaning forward, a slight smile, interruptions, and an elevated voice tone with plenty of variation tend to indicate that someone is strongly engaged and interested in you. It can be distinguished from anger or tension by the slight smile and a relaxed expression about the eyebrows; a furrowed brow and tense muscles and posture, however, indicate concern and anger.

(This may sound obvious to many people, but none of us should take our knowledge of others' body language for granted. At the very least, socially challenged people, writers, and those with disabilities may find these descriptions useful.)

The practical upshot


Basically, the point of this installment is that being a sugar baby is just a very specialised form of work. That kind of sucks, because it would be nice if it was as easy as it seems - but as usual, society's devaluation of "women's work" and femme work has led us to assume that the complex and intricate are childishly accessible.

Sure, that one girl at your work might have landed a boyfriend who buys her everything, but you're not seeing the nights when she has sex unenthusiastically, sits there and consoles him about his ex-wife's alimony demands, spends five hours on her makeup, or - at worst - deals with her partner's tantrums, or even abuse. Being a sugar means being available, attentive, and matching someone's fantasy. You may be able to relax more as time goes on, but it's quite strenuous and attention-heavy. Honestly, what I read about being a sugar kind of reminded me of being in retail and working on commission sales. The invisible lines of tension and approval that span every social connection have to be sensed and tested with care, but those who can pluck the strings and combine authenticity with the ability to please others may well be rewarded.

And, as always, consider helping to support my series with a spot of tea at my Paypal.me and Ko-fi.

***
Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor of fiction. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and Max the cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people's manuscripts, the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.

Find her all over the internet: * 
OG Blog * Mailing list * Magpie Editing * 
Amazon * Medium * Twitter * Instagram * Facebook * Tumblr * Paypal.me * Ko-fi

Tuesday, 2 April 2019

Put a Cross on It: Christianity, Capitalism, and Appropriation

I'm taking a quick break from my series about sugar scams to revisit an old hobby-horse: appropriation and cultural theft. This nightmare of the left won't stop cropping up. People can't keep their hands or their inspirations to themselves, so here we go again. 


Ceci n'est pas un croix.
Why the yin-yang? Keep reading.


For example, it's no secret that Ariana Grande has joined the ranks of pop starlets getting flak for doing something in a weird/inappropriate way. In her "Seven Rings" music video, the actress and Disney Channel alumnus used the visual language of Nicki Minaj or Cardi B to add a little flair and flash to her style. 

Here's the thing - a white girl (Ariana is Italian; despite previous prejudices, Italians have been bundled into the artificial construct that always has been and currently still is "whiteness") talking about buying her hair, having everything, and draping herself in diamonds and consumables has a different meaning than, say, a black woman, Latinx woman, or another person from a similar background making those same statements. And dressing oneself up in the subtle visual language and signifiers of another group for the sake of borrowing their "cool" and prestige is, at best, impolite. 

But this kind of weird impersonation and cultural thievery - not exchange; that would imply some sort of trade and equality, or a voluntary element to the transaction - is common in whiteness. Now, I'm sure it won't escape readers that I, obviously, am white. But I don't intend this and my other musings to represent some kind of internalised self-hatred - instead, I want to ask, why are we like this? And how can we be better? 

Put a yin-yang on it 


(Or rather, please don't.) Anyone who was alive in the 1990s might recall the prevalence of "hippie" imagery spattering the cultural landscape. "Girl power" and other commodified phrases were printed on lunchboxes, jewelry, or bejeweled onto denim clothes. Among the various decorative symbols that attained prominence - the peace sign, smileys, suns, hearts, and a plethora of flowers and daisies - were yin-yang symbols. 

Now, a good friend, Joych Chng (Jolantruhttps://twitter.com/jolantru on Twitter) posted a frustrated note about white people using the yin-yang willy-nilly. Having studied religions of the world in a cursory way, I knew the yin-yang wasn't merely decorative, but had symbolic meaning in Taoism - but I was surprised at the thought of its decorative use being offensive or bothersome. 

A quick Wikipedia research trip affirmed what I already knew about its symbolic meaning, but also deepened my knowledge. Clearly, the symbol has nuances, and it's not just a pretty shape with interlocking curves. It represents several philosophical constructs, and isn't meant to be tossed about. The issue isn't all interlocking designs - after all, there are tons of Celtic ornamental squiggles that look similar, but don't have the association - but rather, that the yin-yang has an actual meaning. 

Throwing it into designs at a whim because it's symmetrical and attractive is a bit like plastering random quotes from "Thus Spake Zarathustra" or "Man's Search for Meaning" onto lunchboxes because they sound pretty, completely disregarding any context. (I'm not a Nietzsche fan, but I did like Frankl's work. That aside, you get the point.) 

What's god got to do with it? 


But then I asked myself - why am I surprised by this? Why would I assume that a sacred symbol needs to be confined to its proper use, rather than proliferating or being thrown around? 





Obviously, I'm culturally Christian, even though I'm a non-believer. I have grown up in a society with Easter, Christmas, and Biblical iconography in abundance. But part of modern Christianity interlocks with capitalism in an unsettling fashion. In addition to proclaiming and recruiting new followers to the religion and philosophies, Christianity makes use of branding in very strong ways. 

It doesn't take any work whatsoever to find something cross-patterned at a local store. Even completely secular items, like jewelry, clothing, wall decorations, and similar things will often feature either directly or indirectly Christian iconography. Anything angel-related or with a cross on it is technically making use of Christian iconography. A sacred symbol is rendered not merely prosaic, but ubiquitous - and purchasing and displaying goods that feature such iconography is accepted as demonstrative of belief. 

Let's sit with that for a minute. Someone who shows off their faith with accessories is performatively more Christian. Capitalism makes strong use of branding as it is - and the cross is just another brand. It's a way to showcase loyalty and affiliation - and more importantly, to demonstrate correctness and adherence to one's beliefs. But even though it's professed to be sacred, it's also completely acceptable to use in totally decontextualised situations. 

What's sacred?


In non-Christian cultures, the sacred actually has a space of its own, sometimes apart from worldly cares. However, remembering that other people don't just slap symbols of their beliefs onto everything in reach can sometimes feel vaguely offensive to Westerners who crash into this conflict of beliefs. 

As the poet Bryan Thao Worra once put it, not everything is meant to be known or shared. We were talking about Lovecraft at the time (Worra's work on transformative interpretations of weird horror is stellar; check it out) but it feels applicable to many other cultural topics. 

 "Well, some things no one on any corner of the earth is meant to know, other than that it's there to not be known, contradictory as that sounds." 

So if any of my fellow folks are going, "Oh no, what do I do with this beautiful thing that I now understand is Bad?" I would say - try to spend some time understanding it. Approach things from other cultures with reverence and politeness. Maybe you already bought the problematic item, sure - but you don't have to buy more, and you can try to research or learn about something. Recontextualise, don't rob. Find out what the thing means. We live in the era of information, with ubiquitous smartphones and internet access, and it is foolish not to make use of those resources. Even a skim-read of an article or two can enrich your life and make you a better person. 

 In the meantime, if someone says you should keep your hands off, maybe listen to them. It's hard not to be offended by refusal when one's grown up with a sense of entitlement - and even had that entitlement rewarded! - but we must be better than our greedy and acquisitive impulses. If we are not, nothing will change, and frankly, that would just suck. 


***
Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and Max the cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people's manuscripts, the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.

Find her all over the internet: * 
OG Blog * Mailing list * Magpie Editing * 
Amazon * Medium * Twitter * Instagram * Facebook * Tumblr * Paypal.me * Ko-fi