Today, I'm back to the findom community, and I'm here to explain some dynamics I've noticed - and talk about intra-community controversy as well. But what is financial domination? Think of it as BDSM with a monetary twist. Who is it, and who gets into it? And what does it have to do with scamming?
Disclaimer: Once again, this week's post will reference sexual topics and discussions, and reader discretion is advised.
Technically, the financial domination community isn't a scam - but the sugar daddy scammers prey on them both. Surprisingly, even though sugar babies are mostly submissive in role and financial dominatrixes are dominant, the actual financial interactions tend to be startlingly similar. Men usually provide money, and women usually take it - but the findom community has a lot more young men than one might expect, and dommes come in more ages, shapes, sizes, ethnicities, and even genders than sugar babies, who are usually young, attractive, and slender (I didn't see any nonbinary sugar babies on my feed, just hundreds of girls and a few young men here and there).
There's overlap between the young (mostly) women who aspire to make a living from their beauty and acting abilities on one side and the young, mostly women who seek out patronage from one or more (usually) gentlemen.
That may sound like an overly generous perspective on what is, essentially, sex work - but most people fail to realise that sex work is quite resource-intensive and requires a lot of skill. It's not just about the ability to handle and deal with a stranger's genitalia - it's about evaluating someone's needs, the emotional interactions and labour, the acquisition and screening of clients, the ability to portray a certain appearance and live up to a fantasy, the knowledge bases required for various industries (such as BDSM terminology, etc), and of course, managing social media streams to interact with and get clients/attention - all while keeping this life within apparent legal perimeters and/or keeping oneself safe. Even in mostly non-contact areas like financial domination, working a sexual chat service, or being a camgirl, these skills are all still required.
Because the majority of people feel sexual attraction to some degree and have some kind of active sex life, including with themselves (masturbation counts), there's often an assumption that pornographic actresses and actors and other sex workers have "easy jobs." This is very much not the case, as sex work can be quite physically strenuous and emotionally demanding. It's also ludicrous to demand that everyone in the field be having a "sincere orgasm" or "do it for fun" at all times, because the same demand is never made for the smiles of retail clerks. We don't ask cooks to put love in every bite of restaurant food. The truth is, capitalism demands performative social skills,. Performative social skills that may not reflect one's real mood state are pretty much universally required in every industry and even in many social situations - and that's okay.
Now, what does this have to do with financial domination?
I am currently exploring this field, because the sugar daddies do try and target dommes as well - marking their posts with "paypig" and "cashcow" and "findom" hashtags as well as the more conventional "sugardaddytwitter," "sugardaddywanted," and "sugardaddy" or "sugarbaby" tags.
That said, the findom community is pretty tightly knit, and the people who are serious about it are generally on Twitter a lot and very consistent. But there are up-sides and downsides.
All shun the Instadommes
Most of the findommes on Twitter fit a particular look and aesthetic, tweeting in a bratty, demanding style. The older findommes, of course, absolutely hate this and call the bratty young subs "Instadommes" - punning both on their lack of experience and their Instagram-style beauty. While there is merit to the argument that not following BDSM protocols is bad practice for a professional domme, expecting new people to somehow magically accrue experience and wisdom before they even join the community is absurd. Also, as anyone experienced in BDSM can tell you, sometimes one has to try something to find out whether it appeals to them.
The thing is, actually figuring out who counts as an Instadomme isn't particularly easy. Sure, "Fuck you, pay me" tweets, raised-middle-finger selfies, and low follower counts may be prevalent...but it's absolutely impossible to tell the experienced dommes from the so-called fraudulent newcomers. At least one domme with over 4K followers (an enormous following by the standards of this subculture) has the same style as the so-called Instadommes. In effect, the term is a nebulous "No True Scotsman" critique that lacks a substantive core.
One small problem
The prevalent assertions that "Instadommes" are bad and that anyone doing financial domination should be deriving sexual/topping gratification from it first, and making money second, both made me cringe.
That would be great if it wasn't for the dystopian state of capitalism in our era. I also have to raise an eyebrow at the inclusion of a prominent and easily recognized community member's post in their list of bad behavior. That kind of thing just leads to community conflict.
Of course, anyone who's either been on the internet for five minutes or has studied history for about ten minutes will tell you that inter-community conflict is inevitable. I'm not going to roast anyone for what's basically inevitable social behavior, consistent across cultures and millennia. People disagree, even when they have common interests and goals, and the best way to deal with it is hearing out both sides and trying not to hold grudges.
That said, prominent findommes were quick to explain why Instadommes - nicknamed both for their quick entry into the industry and their tendency to conform to a certain style - are frowned on. Taking money and running is actually considered bad practice. Yes, it's a financially-charged roleplay, but that doesn't mean findommes are unaware of the risks or their own responsibilities in a D/s relationship. Actually having a relationship with the sub and building it (not necessarily dating, of course) and actually talking to someone rather than just demanding tributes with open hands all seem reasonable to me. Just because people fantasize about blackmail and homewreckers and such doesn't mean they desire the reality of those scenarios, and that's an important distinction!
The flip side
Perhaps somewhat disappointingly, financial domination is - not unlike being a sugar baby - a lot more work than it seems. Posting good content regularly, reposting and retweeting, arranging payment methods and signing up for various websites - it's all work.
And that's before one even considers that many men who want to be paypigs can't necessarily afford to do so. Nicknamed "timewasters," these fellows will pop into a domme's DMs, request tasks or humiliation...and then sneak off without sending the requisite "tribute" or anything at all. Basically, it's stealing emotional labour. If this happened between friends, it would be rude, but financial dominatrixes are offering a service, not just talking down to men and setting them absurd tasks for their own amusement.
That's another thing about financial domination - coming up with good tasks for the submissives, things that are sufficiently difficult or humiliating but not dangerous, is quite tricky! If anyone is interested in pursuing this, I would recommend an existing background in BDSM and a whole bunch of research. The same cautions from my sugar baby post earlier in the series apply here, but being a dominant is a high-responsibility position in many ways.
However, if you like having people compliment your feet, address you as "Goddess" or with other endearments, and you're willing to be kind and polite to your fellow domme colleagues, you might be cut out for it. Just don't expect easy or fast money...
And finally, if anyone feels like actually gracing my account with a tip after reading this series, here is my real Paypal.me and my Ko-fi.
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Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and Max the cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people's manuscripts, the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.
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