How We Lie to Ourselves and Make it Pretty

Today, something's on my mind: the destructive power of narrative and stories.

TV shows, podcasts and books - more so TVs than the other mediums, funnily enough - do so love to talk about the importance and power of narrative. I remember episodes of Doctor Who and Supernatural that touched on this theme, and more recently, Game of Thrones used narrative and "having the best story" as an excuse to make a particular character rise to the throne of Westeros. (It's also worth mentioning that, in the same finale, talking about "the power of stories" is used to get a character out of execution.)

In the context of storytellers talking about the importance of stories - myself included - there's always something self-congratulatory and auto-fellating that bothers me about it, even when it's handled elegantly or beautifully. There's no getting around the fact that such situations represent creators literally telling their audience how important both their creations and the creators are. It reminds me of the tricks of confidence artists, bringing their mark or dupe into the confiding folds of conspiracy - although admittedly, a modest amount of money and an investment of time are probably less ruinous than most con-men's schemes.

A hidden punch

As well, I can't help thinking about all the times when narratives can also be used to mislead, deceive, or even just present a perspective that's most flattering. Because there's a slightly glorified place for "storytellers" - journalists included, to some extent - we don't talk about how those narratives are active in, say, social circles and politics.

Yet there's something to say for a satisfying plot arc in real life: a rise, success, and a well-deserved fall. As I write this, non-democratically and possibly fraudulently-elected President Donald Trump is undergoing both a swirling media storm and the early stages of impeachment. For my part, I find this particular exodus deeply satisfying and long overdue. But his rapidly-dwindling base of supporters, of course, see him as a man wronged and maltreated.

For instance, Andrew Scheer and Maxime Bernier, among other politicians, are presenting the narrative that immigration needs to be regulated to "keep us safe" - using ambiguous and hinting language and implying things without saying them directly. They're invoking tropes, if you will, without saying them outright - more so in Bernier's case, but still.

Journalists can wade into this fight, as can scientists, but presenting facts and figures and sharing the truth alone isn't always enough - these, too, require the framing of a narrative to be acceptable by the public. Broadly speaking, journalists and scientists are pretty responsible, ethical people - but their work can be weaponized or misinterpreted as well, or presented out of context to reinforce a particular narrative.

The ugly truth

Narratives are also used in social circles to present some people as victims and others as abusers, or when we present ourselves in the best light in a particular situation. Sometimes the truth is a little more complex than tropes, unfortunately - and sometimes, we have to overcome our own self-perceptions to mend bridges. Although some events lend themselves to easier decision-making, not every incidence of wrongdoing is as cut and dried as a sexual assault case usually is. Kai Cheng Thom has an excellent column in the Daily Xtra about accountability and social tension in queer communities -

something I've seen firsthand, and unfortunately, participated in as well, and her suggestions for restorative justice, accountability, and an overall philosophy of kindness are worth reading for everyone.

Part of the problem with viewing things narratively is that all of us are the protagonists and heroes in our own lives - which means we may not realise, or may not want to be honest about, our impact on others. It's easy to worry about being someone's big-bad-evil-guy, but sometimes, we're just the reoccurring villain or the frienemy - and because of our own narrative perspectives, we may not realise it.

A way out

It can feel like we're the pawns of greater narratives, or captive to our own desires, and to some extent, these things can be true - but only if we don't rebel or at least reconsider what happens to us, as well as the impact of our own actions. Critical thinking has always been important, but in an era where production values have never been higher, it's more than prudent to examine both our own presentations and those of others.

As always, what's best in life and what's most important come down to three things - the most pleasurable, the least harmful, and the best for others. Ideally, all three of these options or requirements should be fulfilled with our choices. Sometimes we have to choose between two of them, and there's something to be said for debating precisely how our actions and choices fulfill these categories, but it's a pretty good way to make decisions generally. At the very least, being aware of our own tendencies to be unreliable narrators and the pluralistic nature of truth will keep us both honest and cautious - and maybe even a little more forgiving.

***

Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and Max the cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people's manuscripts, the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.

Find her all over the internet:
* OG Blog * Mailing list * Magpie Editing * Amazon * Medium * Twitter * Instagram * Facebook * Tumblr *
 Ko-fi

That Dog Don't Hunt: Sugar Scams, Part 11

Like some kind of grizzled secret agent trying to escape the line of duty, only to find themselves pulled in for the summer's next blockbuster sequel, I've come back to the topic of financial domination to talk about a big, juicy scandal in that tiny world.

First of all, let me preface this with a disclaimer. The dommes and sex workers I've spoken to have been, in 99% of cases, incredibly cool, hard-working, practical, smart ladies and non-binary folks who are just trying to make a living in an area for which they have a talent.

Disclaimer

As with previous installments, sexual topics will be alluded to. I will keep things pretty tasteful, but as always, close the blinds and shut the door if you're nervous. Now, let's get down and dirty!

How it works 

Like just about any other Twitter-based business, it's all about that click-through and visibility and the analytics game. Anyone who has to conduct business on the internet can join me in sighing in agony at the mere thought.

But in addition to that, it's a surprisingly crowded marketplace. Lots of "teen" dommes, girls making heavy use of filters and heavier use of thick, adeptly applied makeup and faux lashes, tons of lace, bums caught from flattering Dutch angles - you get the idea. Most ladies seem to make use of a "brat" persona, basically imitating the bitchy cheerleaders that either bullied some of us at school or featured in a lot of grungy nerd guys' wet dreams. You know - a mostly fake phenomenon that doesn't exist in the real world much. But it's a male fantasy, and if it's this or the degrading experience of customers shouting at you while they ask for another discount on the sale item in addition to their expired coupon - well, suddenly, trying to boss around whiny men on Twitter doesn't look so bad.

Not everyone is a slender blonde or brunette Barbie, of course - there are plenty of ebony and Latinx dommes, and a few Asian dommes as well. BBW (big, beautiful women, or plus-sized ladies for those unfamiliar with the jargon) dommes are present, and so are a few more butch or genderqueer dommes. But most gals work with the strict, artificial guidelines that boring male fantasies impose.

As such, standing out is tough, especially for a new domme. Many more experienced dommes and plenty of the subs groused about the "Instadommes" (usually fitting the profile described above) who'd demand money merely for being followed or for a direct message, or even for a retweet. The demands for money on Findom Twitter are omnipresent, the flurry of them reminding me of seagulls fighting over a stray pack of French Fries (or chips, to much of the world). Anyone who can provide an edge, from a retweet group to a social media/retweet sub, is valued.

The hard part

Most dommes have a fee for conversations, an attempt to scare off "timewasters" (which are as simple and annoying as they sound). As I experienced, timewasters are ubiquitous. Despite fantasizing about financial domination, and a woman controlling their every move, many would-be subs are surprisingly broke. Media portrayals of subs tend to suggest that they're powerful, wealthy men who want to let go - but that wasn't what I saw.

However, just because they want a service doesn't mean the entitled beggars want to pay for it. Wading through the wishy-washy extortionists who will readily trick less-experienced dommes into playing with them for free is hard enough, but getting your tweets seen? Promoting the sales of domination clips? Doing photo shoots? And learning all the terminology and how to cater to fantasies?

It's damn hard work. Any new domme would be overwhelmed by it. Getting mentorship from the more experienced is almost a matter of survival, because it's not as though there are college or university courses one can take to specialise in the area.  It overlaps with other parts of sex work and kink Twitter as well, but not as much as you'd think - and yet it's still hard to gain ground and get paying submissive clients to follow you. Findom is such a small and specialised world that having a thousand followers is a big deal, and having more than that means you're practically findom famous.

Enter the con artists.

The Wolfpack 

I started seeing the #ABWolfpack hashtag go around a few weeks back. I didn't think much of it, because the girls using the tag were pretty normal - hot white girls trying to sound aggressive and using that nonsensical yet heavily fetishized beta/alpha lingo.

But then I noticed all the conversation about the topic. Word of a scam, a scandal, had leaked all over findom Twitter. And as a writer - and journalist, I suppose, if I really deserve the moniker - my mouth started watering. I had to find out what the deal was.

Clicking through the trending hashtag, as well as the feeds of more prominent findoms and my new friends, I was gobsmacked.

As it turned out, the Wolfpack girls were charging $200 a head for new dommes to receive their mentorship, in exchange for prestige and business tips. However, the two girls in charge - Goddess B and Lord A - required the women's real names (YIKES), Twitter logins (Y I K E S), and other sensitive information.

Then they sexually dominated their "betas" - again, dominant women who had come to them for mentorship - in the so-called mentorship chats. I probably don't have to explain why that would be sexual harassment. Sure, many dommes on findom Twitter flirt with each other, but flirting is a mutually positive and consenting experience.

This was bad enough, and so were the repetitive copy-pastes of Tweets the Wolfpack girls posted on various accounts - but then it turned out that the Wolfpack girls weren't ladies at all. At least one of them was being controlled by an alleged boyfriend, by the name of Matt or Kris.

So some random guy was using his girlfriend's Twitter account to prowl and harass women who'd come to "her" for mentorship. Just great, right?

Honour amongst thieves 

Obviously, the Wolfpack's prestige is utterly shattered. Findom Twitter has been deeply shaken by the incidents. The upside is that dommes have been very supportive of each other and of newbies since the whole scandal. A number of subs were pretty callous about the whole thing, questioning the morals of dommes who take money and control men anyway. Since blackmail and homewrecking fantasies make up a big part of the scene, and other parts of play tend to involve risk and danger, the submissives seem to think that all dommes are heartless maneaters.

But as cartoon femme fatale Jessica Rabbit put it, "I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."

The thing about bdsm is that it's about an exchange of trust. And while dominatrixes do talk tough, that's literally a professional requirement. As a local domme said, "We don't break our toys." A couple of the subs I've spoken to admitted that their previous dominatrixes were emotionally and financially abusive. They didn't put things in those terms, but the descriptions were undeniable. One sub who acted as a "homework slave" for his domme got a series of brutal, nasty messages after he slept through her essay paper deadline. She then non-consensually blackmailed him into paying her a sum to keep her from revealing his fetishes and their involvement to his friends and girlfriend.

But I heard about this sort of behavior from only two dommes, while interacting with and seeing tweets from hundreds more. The vast majority of dommes just don't treat their subs that way, and in fact, take far more crap than they dish out. While still wading through the legions of gormless, shifty scabs who seem to think that elaborate roleplays and pictures and clips should be given to them for free, it's nice that women and people trying to make a living can actually rely on each other.

Mostly. But in this capitalist hellscape, as I often say, mostly is good enough. But anyone who makes use of pornographic materials or contacts a sex worker for labour should walk away from my series with a healthy respect for the work and crap that have to be endured. After all, just because you can eat a slice of cake in five minutes doesn't negate the four hours of labour that went into making it.

And finally, if anyone feels like actually gracing my account with a tip after reading this series, here is my real Paypal.me and my Ko-fi.

***

Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and Max the cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people's manuscripts, the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.

Find her all over the internet: * OG Blog * Mailing list * Magpie Editing * 

* Amazon * Medium * Twitter * Instagram * Facebook * Tumblr * Paypal.me * Ko-fi