You're Not My Real Daddy: Sugar Scams, Part 3

So, I've gone over the basics and the legitimate part of the overlapping sugar daddy and financial domination communities - but what about the scams? Well, here's where the oldest internet rules come into play.

(Forgive me, I couldn't resist.)

So, the adage that you should never give out your banking info is a bit complex in the context of financial relationships - but don't give out your password or login info under any circumstances. In addition, though, scammers preying on the aspiring sugar baby community - comprised of everyone from those tweeting "I need a sugar daddy" to carefully dressed, angled, and groomed ingenues - are very creative and bizarre.

My own experience with this included a fellow ostensibly looking for someone to give money to in exchange for chats and any sort of relationship - no sexuality required. So, having run it by my partner, and getting his consent and curiosity, I set about conversing with him, as well as messaging a few other alleged sugar daddy accounts.

A kind follower immediately told me that the accounts with a name and a string of random numbers are mostly scammers. Chagrined, but now even more curious, I set about researching the matter. Sure enough, a few journalists had reported back - but apart from a Vice video, there was a dearth of info about the community.

And yet many of my friends had occasionally joked about or alluded to wanting a sugar daddy or something of that nature. In a financially strenuous era, while we vote for reforms and support candidates who promise to strengthen social service and welfare nets, or even expand them, we still have to get by.

And if you're young, attractive, and visibly able, it's hard not to listen to the siren song of apparent easy money. After all, women are often coaxed into offering emotional labour up in normal relationships - why not get paid for cooing and caring for people? Sex is optional, and far from mandatory. In such cash-starved times, anyone with an entrepreneurial spirit or curiosity might well be emboldened to give the sugary lifestyle a try.

That's where my assistant, whom I'll call Birdie, comes in. Seeing my post on Facebook about the strange and intriguing world of "glucose guardians," Birdie was curious, and volunteered to contact some of the randomly chosen profiles I unearthed. She immediately ran face-first into their intricate scams - but luckily, she was smart, and didn't offer anything up, while stringing along the flirtatious fraudsters.

The daddies you can't trust 

The problem is that from a scammer's perspective, possible access to someone's bank account and the bonus of flirting with young, attractive people, even getting some nudes or dirty talk out of it, is just about irresistible.

Scammers have gotten creative, though. It's not just a matter of, "hey, babe, I want your login info so I can put money in there - I promise I won't take your cash; here's screenshots of money I gave another girl" - it's "Here, I'll give you money on an Amazon gift card, and here's instructions for transferring it to Paypal..."

Screenshot provided by Birdie.

Of course, these daddies commit to their roleplay pretty intensely. One I spoke to said he was from a small American town, had succeeded by investing in gold and crypto currency, and talked about wanting to do good for others. Birdie's scammer made a point of claiming his religion motivated his ethical uprightness.

Screenshot provided by Birdie. 

Naturally, religion alone is no guarantee of morally upright behavior - especially on the internet. What the scammers' tactics amount to is a cup-and-ball game: they deposit thousands or hundreds of dollars in the form of a cheque or instant transfer, then withdraw the same amount immediately, or a portion thereof. The cheque, of course, does not clear - leaving the hapless mug with a huge NSF fee and deep overdraft. You don't have to have a lot of money to get targeted - all it takes is an open bank account.

Another tactic is to get someone to buy a gift card, and talking about overloading it. The thing is, the sugar baby is putting their own money down first, or getting a haircut or manicure that they normally wouldn't splurge on, as a sort of investment. Fake gifts with huge customs release fees also crop up. 

What really got me was that while some people see sugar babies as exploitative (which is false, because it's consensual), there's probably some other twenty-something sitting on the other side of the screen, who knows where in the world, and trying to make ends meet by grifting...another twenty-something elsewhere. At least people looking to be sugar babies are honest about their aims. Scammers aren't even doing that.

Is it safe to be a sugar baby? 

Honestly, maybe - but from skimming through Twitter's posts on the topic, it's easy to see a lot of names with a string of numbers after them, a sexy picture, and no profile details. Poor communication or writing skills and repetitive tweets tend to accompany these profiles. Although a plethora of emojis tend to frame most conversations, that alone need not disqualify someone.

I would say, however, that it seems sugar baby sites are disproportionate in terms of the number of providers to supplicants, with a three-to-one baby-to-daddy ratio. (There's a massive proportion of men seeking younger women compared to every other demographic.) Twitter seems to be where the scammers go, sadly - so someone looking to wade into the sugar baby life would be better off considering the financial domination world. That, however, is real work, just like any other form of sex work, and requires the cultivation of a persona, careful separation from one's real life, and other such precautions.

Stay safe by doing your research before you dive in. Consider checking out a site with moderation. Above all else, don't expect to be swept away by a millionaire - most sugar baby experiences seem far more modest, with hundreds or thousands of dollars as a weekly allowance, rather than the extreme surgeries and penthouse lifestyles featured in the most audacious and provocative profiles. Most sugar relationships don't seem overly emotional or exclusive, although some can be. Try to set your expectations to a moderate level, rather than listening to the secret cries uttered by wild hopes.

It's hard to be realistic when delving into what seems like a fantastical world - but even fantasy worlds have their rules, costs, and drawbacks. If all else fails, maybe listen to or read a bunch of fairy tales and internalise a balance of caution and adventure. At best, you might change your life radically. At worst? You could be stuck with a financial nightmare requiring hours of cleanup or worse.

***

Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and Max the cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people's manuscripts, the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.

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