New Year, Same Me - But Different

 Well, the good news is that I'm not dead, as you can tell from this post existing. The other good news is that I've been writing a lot. Book 3 of the Meaning Wars is done, Book 4 is also now done and out to beta readers (but if you're interested, I can always use more!), and book 5 is 2/3rds done. In addition to that, I also am 60K of 100K into a coauthored book with a friend of mine, Anna Lewis, set in her series about a nigh-immortal pirate who's about to get his first taste of therapy in five hundred years. 

That probably sounds like a lot more writing than I've done in the last few years, and that's completely correct. However, I haven't been running my online text-based D&D game, and as you all know, my blog's been on hiatus. 

2020 Bad

But the last few years has been A Lot - Trump's presidency and the related empowerment of authoritarian leaders across the world, issues around trans rights and especially Black and Brown lives and existence - it's been hard, especially over 2020, to feel as though my words have any merit, weight, or meaning. Stepping aside and letting PoC talk is rarely a bad thing, but self-doubt latching on to that was maybe not great.

I mean, in 2016, two artists I value deeply passed away - Leonard Cohen and David Delamare. People die, that's just how that works; I personally don't want to die ever, if I can help it. (Blog post upcoming; yes I've thought this through extensively, shush.) Other artists died, too. Britain and India and Brazil empowered disgusting right-wing leaders. There were more incidents of racist, transphobic, misogynistic, and homophobic gun violence than I care to list here. But as much as Trump's inauguration and the resulting ripples up here in Canada have felt like living in a state of war, the pandemic has been closer to living under war than I've ever expected to feel. None of us were prepared. And yet, somehow, 2020 had a lot of personal development bright spots for me. 

So why now? Why not just write a farewell post and give up blogging, for example? Well...

I never stopped having things to say

2016 to 2020 has been a disruptive period for the world, and from late 2014 to 2020, it was pretty rough on me as well. The fact that a hard period in my own life synced up with global events just made everything going on sort of more relatable in a way. 

For example, I often fall asleep to politics podcasts because a) sometimes mildly boring things and comforting voices are great, and b) knowing that bigger problems than my own exist is oddly soothing. And c), knowing what's going on in the world gives me a sense of agency, whether illusory or valid. 

However...

A lot of the posts I started to write were rather short. Because I've primarily written my blog posts and articles in a full-length format, I sometimes wait far too long to actually express them. This might also be the cause of something else I dislike - the tendency for people to read my work, but not reply to it, perhaps because it's *too* complete and exhaustive. 

So this year, I want to try something different. I will be putting out more posts again (certainly more than once a month; I'd like to go back to the weekly post schedule I had/aimed for previously). But my posts might be scattered-sounding, less comprehensive, and messier. Above all: probably shorter and less complete. We'll see how it goes; if I hate it, I'll probably try something else, but I've been thinking about it for a few days, and I feel surprisingly good about it. I might also go into more personal topics than I have in the past - but the probability of this turning from an analysis/commentary/writing blog into, I don't know, a skincare and lifestyle blog, is extremely low. I might even stick some more poetry up here, since for some reason, people don't seem to hate it.

Sometimes, Productivity is Self-Care

This is a tricky topic at the best of times, because capitalist propaganda/training says that we should only feel good about ourselves if we're doing things and making money. But as many writers about "self-care" have observed, there's also more to self-care and building good mental health habits than buying heavy blankets and colouring books, making overnight oats, or taking baths with artisanal bombs and essential oils. Those things are all fine, great, and can be part of recovery too - but for myself and many others. 

Towards the end of 2020 - especially after the election in the US brought in a change of power, and a light seemed to break through the clouds - I finally started to kick some bad habits and feel like perhaps, maybe, the world is not doomed after all. I started the process of kicking some deep-seated bad habits as well, and that's already shaken my world at its foundations.

I have so much more to write about this, but I'm going to let this content breathe and start on my next post instead. 

Hope 2021 is off to a survivable start for people! Let me know in the comments how you got through 2020, and what you're hoping for in 2021. 

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Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and their two cats. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people’s manuscripts, the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible. Find her all over the internet: * OG Blog * Mailing list * Magpie Editing * Amazon * Medium * Twitter * Instagram * Facebook * Tumblr * Paypal.me * Ko-fi