Missed It: The Farscape Review

Hello hello!

I've been meaning to do this for a while, especially since I mentioned Farscape a while back. I've since then been rewatching it from Season 1, and it's reminded me why I love the show so very much.

Normally, I would analyse this sort of thing to death, but I've noticed that Farscape--in spite of a decently-sized fanbase back in the day--is surprisingly unknown. So, I'll save some of the analysis I'd like to do in favour of just telling you why you need to watch it.

Summary

An astronaut, John Chriton, gets shot through a wormhole and across space (possibly into an alternate dimension. It's never quite clear). He falls in with a bunch of criminals and renegades, and ends up falling in love, going insane, running away from a black leather BDSM-suited alien, and trying to get back home. His rag-tag, dysfunctional little crew is made up of Muppets, truly amazing actors, and about as many personal secrets as you can store. Oh, and it's a living ship. And people get cloned. And transhuman questions. And actual diversity. And some of the funniest lines and scenes ever written for science fiction.

Pros 

Absolutely phenomenal writing and acting. Excellent characters. Jim Henson. One of the best villains of all time.

The chemistry between Ben Browder (Chriton) and Claudia Black (my hero, Aeryn Sun) is sizzling but compellingly rich. Chriton is a 'real man' who actually has lots of romantic daydreams and squishy feels, and it's Aeryn he has to warm up and break down communication barriers with, rather than the stereotypically reversed roles. Aeryn likes guns and taking the piss out of Chriton, and her role is played with subtlety and wit by the gorgeous and clever Black. And that's just the two leads. I haven't mentioned D'Argo, Zhaan, Rygel, or the others. I'm not even going to tell you about two of the villains and their transformations or excellent writing. I won't allude to the other wonderful characters, either, and the layers they quickly build up. The series does a great job of showing rather than telling, and I'm going to be faithful to that.

I will mention that the show passes the hell out of the Beschdel, that the female characters avoid being wank-bait but aren't too desexualized, that the humour in the show is wonderful, that the designs/aesthetics are every bit as wonderful as you'd hope Jim Henson's studio could devise, and that both the emotional and the military plots generally make excellent sense. Plus, every single fail or stumble gets improved on--this is a show that learns from itself, and the seasons that start off on a back foot eventually become the best ones of all.

Moya. She is not only the setting, she's given personhood and an awesome art. Yes, I'm talking about the ship.

Cons

Really? Well, I guess the first season does get a bit random. I'd suggest watching around ep. 18 if you just can't get through it. Once in a while a couple of characters go backwards in their arc, and there were a few bits here and there that almost lost me because I had no idea where they were going. There were a couple death fake-outs that were annoying too. However, 95% of the show pays off, and every hard moment becomes worth it with some fantastic developments later. I will admit that there's some serious back-and-forth in the main love plot that kinda drove me crazy, but everything else, especially their chemistry, is solid gold. It's a great space opera that made me cry and made me laugh, and it really pushed the boundaries of my understanding of what a plot and characters can do. 

Final Verdict 

This is completely biased to heck, but whatever--it's a rare 10 out of 10, and I highly recommend it. There are basically only a handful of things that I will defend with ardent love and devotion, and Farscape is one of them. It's on Netflix, but not enough people know about it, so give it a shot next time you need a new series for sure.

*****

Thanks for dropping by the nest once again. Don't miss any of the phuquerie. Find Michelle on Twitter, Facebook, and on Tumblr, and find her work on Amazon. Check back on the blog to see when one of the irregular posts has careened onto your feed. This is the one and only SciFiMagpie, over and out! 

Breaking Yawn: How to Fix The Twilight Series

Hello, hello!

Today, we touch on a dark topic, one that has evoked the strongest of feelings for the last handful of years. For some, they are feelings of love, frenzied adoration, and longing; for others, passionate hatred and disgust. And for still others, they are feelings of pain in the lungs and abdomen after laughing too hard. I speak, of course, of that literary abortion, Twlight.

After perusing that pre-eminent page of perlustration, Reasoning with Vampires, I remembered something I'd conceived earlier in the year. Unlike Bella's demon-child abomination, this conception had some merit to it. Bear with me, here; I managed to find a sensible theme in Twilight as a series. It's a remote possibility, but it may be that Stephanie Meyer is smarter than she looks, and has thrown all of us for a loop. Twilight, you see, can be read as a heavily allegorical American fable about the downfall of the economy and the world today.

Oh, there's my monacle. Right, then.

Thanks, Leonhart! Not sure if subtle acting, to be perfectly true to book...or showcase of incompetence...

Bella: Airheaded and abstracted, her depressed state is a mainstay of the books. She is detached from the world around her, and even from the boy she mentions as an object of obsession. This is a fine representation of the current state of the youth of America. Disenfranchised, they pay lip service to ideals that are fading fast in the glare of modernization and a new world. Forks is represented as an old-fashioned town, where the modern young Bella is adrift--even though its inhabitants purport to be friendly, her poor self-esteem causes her to distrust and reject them. Her immersion in old-fashioned literature is remarkable for her lack of absorption and connection with it. In spite of being able to name-check many fine authors, she passes over them as if their work has had no effect on her, no emotional resonance. She becomes obsessed by a thing she seems to hate...that is...

Edward: He is clearly an embodiment of the American dream: to be rich, coming from a balanced and wealthy family, and envied by all. He is physically perfect, but not tame, still wild and independent: a perfect American hero as much as a Byronic hero. He is a cowboy-like Lone Star figure who cannot be captured without sacrifice. His vampirism represents the way this dream is sucking the life out of the youth of America, who cannot escape it and are oppressed by their obsession with it. He even sparkles, not unlike the glittering hopes of the nation. His arrogance, entitlement, and infuriatingly superior personality keep him out of reach, while his form and figure are described as the glass of fashion and as 'angelic'. Need I mention the hint of Lucifer-like characterization in this literally "dazzling" love interest? Add, too, his moral stances, romanticised chastity, and Christian beliefs; and clearly we see Meyer's attempts to show the allure of bygone principles.

Jacob: With his doglike aspect and the subordination he is subject to, is a representation of both First Nations people and the family. His heritage is heavily emphasized in the series, as is the conflict between his people and the American Dream team. He is constantly oppressed by the American dream and shunted to the side by society. Bella, representing the youth of America, finds him appealing and relateable, but ultimately dismisses his devotion and affection as uninteresting. (She frequently discards adoration from others in the same way, illustrating her alienation further.) This has actually happened in 'real America'; consider the cultural appropriation by hipsters of First Nations art and symbolism for aesthetic reasons. Consider, too, that other non-whites become white when they are made into vampires; Jacob, unable and unwilling to assimilate, must be conquered another way. He eventually is subservient to Bella and Edward, and is assimilated in this fashion. This is shown by the way he falls in love with their child, whom he is willing to care for even if she can't return it as romantic love.

Ultimately, though, the pursuit of absolute happiness is an ideal that is more destructive than hopeful. Bella herself becomes a vampire in the end, after much debate. Her struggle is unhindered by her parents, remnants of the unsuccessful older generation who long to capture the dream themselves. Still, she debates with herself, endlessly tortured--is it worth giving up everything she knows to chase a dream? It seems blessed by god, and sure to bring her immortality, but what is its price? When she withdraws from the world and bears a child, she dies. Clearly, bringing a dream into reality is painful, and often more destructive than it is creative. Edward himself is disgusted by the child and considers it an abomination. After the birth, Bella becomes one with her dream, and in doing so, loses everything. She has become a part of the American Dream, but at the cost of her own destruction.

...Either it was the most subtle metaphor ever, or it was just an over-rated piece of racist, heteronormative, misogynistic crap. I can dream, but ultimately, there is no way (I hope) that Meyer intended all those levels of subtext.

Source. Thank you, Reasoning with Vampires. Dana, you give the best relationship advice!

I did mention fixing the series, though, implying that apart from my rather dark and hopeless reading of the themes, it would be possible to salvage this pile of soppy, overly emotional dreck. After a late-night ponder with the boyfriend, I found some actual solutions.

1) Good Editing: I'm only going to mention the soul-destroying, hilariously awful writing of Meyers for a moment, because it's been done elsewhere. And done again, brilliantly. Still, the writing is really abominable on a mechanical level. Cut out the excessive descriptors and go all Wuthering Heights up in this bitch, and you'd get some very interesting results. That novel, by the way, is characterized by really good descriptions of weather and terrain. Not only are they exceptionally skilful, they advance the plot, augmenting it like a small diamond set next to a larger gem. Take note, aspiring writers; your descriptions can be useful, instead of so much literary fapping.

2) MOAR DARKNESS!: Cut out the crap about her boring family, the kids at school, and the Cullens, or make it darker. Bella is already mopey...give the bitch something to mope about, and something to fear! Give the enormous cast of minor characters some genuine characterization, and make it sinister. Forks is too innocent and boring, and it could use some shadows. Hell, even a few cheesy ghost legends would help a bit. No one, especially Bella, ever seems to have had anything at stake, and the worse things that have happened are a slightly sad divorce and a car accident. More blood and guts, please, with a side of trauma. Make it painful. There is a bit of gore, sure, and the whole 'my boyfriend may eat me and not in a fun way' thing, but the fact that Edward is abusive is far more frightening than his vampirism. That is not good.

3) The Love Interests Need to be Monstrous: imagine a world in which vampires don't sparkle, they kill. Yes, I know, it's Anne Rice's territory, but her work is bogged down by pornographic details. Emphasizing the Draculean monstrosity of Edward's hunger and personal magnetism would have made for a much more interesting struggle. Jacob, too, should have done more slavering and less whining and cringing. A little more horror--other than the horror of all of those superfluous commas and dashes--would have done the job so nicely. As it is, the stalking, obsession, and threats of danger are often hilarious and disturbing rather than really frightening. Instead of being swept up by her love, intelligent readers worry for Bella's mental health, as much as it's possible to worry about such a despicable character.

4) Bella Sucks: Bella, of course, is a monster for different reasons, but if she had had her naivety abused by Edward and Jacob, it would've been a very different story. Her jaded, strained, depressed persona would have to go, obviously. or else it would have to be contrasted with some genuinely likeable traits. Give her a history of abuse, or at least a reason to be such a tough, emotionally resistant broad. A dose of tomboyishness would work, for instance. She hates everyone, and they like her in spite of it; any analysis of her character reveals a frighteningly warped personality. Instead of acting as though her stupidity and meanness are normal...why not worth around these traits? Bella lacks self-awareness even more than she lacks self-esteem, and that's saying something. Granted, she's a teenager, but even the most difficult teenagers have not inspired so much hatred. A harpoon gun to the face is the only thing that would improve Bella Swan at present, and there has to be a better way.

5) Atmosphere: Well, I have to give Meyer this much: she did a good job at establishing an atmosphere in spite of herself. Now, while I am tempted to regurgitate my supper at the mere admission that Meyer got something right, I have to underline this. The meteorological descriptions and scenery are, at heart, not too bad. The erotic tension in the book is also interesting, although the puritan approach to sex is a serious downfall. More sexytimes--less than Anne Rice, but more than what is currently shown--and more storms, with better descriptions, would have really enhanced the power of the setting and mood.

There's probably more that could be added here, but as entire blogs have been devoted to the subject, I'll leave my two cents here.

*****

Thanks for returning, ladies, gents, and people in-between. For more delightfully witty commentary, you can find me at Twitter and on Tumblr. This is your SciFiMagpie, over and out!

How to Not Accidentally A Racism: A Meditation on Cultural Appropriation

NOTE: With recent information at my disposal, I have edited this post a bit to reflect new knowledge and limits on my existing information. 

Hello, hello!
At long last, I have returned from my writing and social-networking coma! Now that it's Fall, you can bet on more regular updates--at least once a week, on Sundays. I hope to bring extra content during the week too. Lately things have been picking up in pace since I joined a writer's guild, and that's eaten some time...anyway *throat clearing noises*...let's move along, shall we?
I had heard of Avatar: The Last Airbender in times of yore, but between one thing and another, didn't really get into it. It looked lame, frankly, and from the fragmentary episode snatches I did see, nothing caught my attention. Elemental magic-users, a semi-anime style, teenagers saving the world; it sounded fairly conventional. Imagine my shock, then, when I finally had the opportunity to watch the series in full with a friend. A mere seven years after its début in 2005, I have discovered that it is truly fantastic.
I know what you're all thinking, and it's okay, I already made you a picture.

Source. The "Slowpoke #27" was done by me, but otherwise, the meme is common property of the internet.

So, yes. I'm an idiot and I missed out on something fantastic until now. Avatar is a unique series for a few reasons--created by Americans, animated by Koreans, set in a fictional mediaeval Asian world that draws on (at my count) Chinese, Japanese, Inuit, Tibetan, Korean, Indian, and Southern U.S. traditions for its inspiration. The cast is not white-washed (for the most part, although there are no black people anywhere). As if the non-Western mediaeval setting wasn't enough of a pleasant change, truly excellent writing and character development of the surprisingly realistic child protagonists really sold me.
However, I also spend a great deal of time on Regretsy, a site devoted to finding silly, fraudulent, badly made, overpriced, and otherwise wonderfully awful things on the 'handmade' art market, Etsy. One of the things that also falls under Regretsy's marvellous scope of interest is the unintentionally racist creations of hipsters who appropriate others' cultures for style reasons. For instance, more than a few assholes have made 'native inspired' feather headbands designed to imitate the ritually significant headdresses worn by Plains tribes.

What's wrong with that? Lesson time, kids.

This is an example of cultural appropriation. Obviously, using the ritually significant symbols and trappings of another culture without awareness of their significance is bad. Appropriation overlaps with cultural diffusion and multiculturalism. Being a Canadian and more importantly, being naturally curious, I've certainly been able to take advantage of ideas from other cultures as I learned about them. I've taken classes on bellydancing and enjoy eating Indian food, have several Chinese-style cloisonne boxes in my collection of curios, and in a hundred other small ways, have things and ideas that have come from non-Western or non-Canadian sources in my life.

So...what about Avatar, again?

Back to the Avatar series, then, and to writing in general. The Avatar story borrows from a variety of religious sources, as well as using the aesthetics and ideas of multiple cultures--most of which are ignored or oppressed here in the Western mainstream. Avatar is hardly the only series to borrow Eastern ideas; Game of Thrones and Wheel of Time (bleh) both use Oriental cultures to contrast their primarily Western settings. Lovecraft, one of my favourite writers, had a nasty and irritating way of making almost all of his antagonists, well, non-European and especially non-Anglo Saxon. Even a hardcore fan can't ignore that disgusting side of his writing. More to the point, the Elder Gods sound suspiciously similar to Aztec and African gods both in motif and in aesthetic.

Source. Hey look, a weird and twisted ancient god. Big coincidence.

The borrowing and misunderstanding of exotic styles from distant locations has occurred between East and West, North and South, for hundreds of years. Now, however, we're aware enough and have access to information about other cultures. In essence, we have no excuses for racism. There is ignorance, but really, a few respectful questions and an apology will go along way. It is not that hard to fix things. So--is it okay to borrow significant ideas from others and to modify them?

Some people--especially those who are oppressed or screwed over by the mainstream cultures--say they want the culturally dominant to keep their damn hands off of other cultures' ideas. Certainly, in WoT, there were quite a few examples of the Chinese culture being portrayed in a pretty caricatured, racist fashion. Even Game of Thrones does this, though in its defense, the Westerners are portrayed as savages as well. Still, these and other fantasy works tend to use Oriental or non-British cultures as easy enemies, or conversely, romanticise 'noble savages' and non-Westerners in a way that really just becomes a perverse ego-wank of self-loathing.

Unfortunately there is little else on the market. You should think about this for a while. Then you should be horrified. Traditional fantasy is pretty much a dichotomy: go European or get out. LGBTQ issues are also generally ignored, although this is beginning to change. Still, the stories are filtered through a very narrow set of lenses, and modernized lenses at that.

Avatar, though, has taught me that things can be done differently.There's a fine line between accidental racism and borrowing a cool idea to enhance your fantasy/sci fi world. It's not hard to make a stupid mistake, but it's much easier to fix it and apologize so you can move on with life. As writers of the fantastic, we have a duty to build on existing literature, not rewrite the same stories over and over.

What's different, you say? Who can I read? Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman. Brown Girl in the Ring by Nalo Hopkinson. Coyote Kings of the Space Age Bachelor Pad by Minister Faust. Wolf at the Door by Joyce Chng. Start searching for 'Asian fantasy' and don't just assume that anime alone will give you the required diet of cultural diversity. Not only will it be good for your soul, it will be damned fun and humbling.

How do you write fantasy with elements you're not used to without screwing it up? I hear you say. That can be tricky--your idea of a tribute to a culture's identity might actually just be a mess or something very offensive, simply because of a lack of context.

It's okay, though. Take a deep breath. Ask people from the source culture if they find your work or ideas offensive. Ask if what you're doing is disrespectful, and if it is, modify it and ask for input. Do your research. Field test it with people. Most importantly, write people, not caricatures.

That's it. Problem solved.

Source. Phuque yeah.
Or is it? I want to hear you weigh in! Tell me about your cultural appropriation experiences in the comments.

*****

Thanks for returning, ladies, gents, and people in-between. For more delightfully witty commentary, you can find me at Twitter and on Tumblr. This is your SciFiMagpie, over and out!

50 Shades of Finished: Reflections on A Bad Romance

Finally, at long last, I have returned!

As those who have been following my Twitter feed for the last couple of weeks have discerned, I am finished the Fifty Shades trilogy. That's right--I've conquered Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker, and Fifty Shades Freed. If you somehow missed out on the horrifying and amusing social phenomenon of the hour, I'll give you a brief run-down. Fasten your seatbelts and get a good, stiff drink: we're heading into the dark and miserable world of fan fiction.

Thanks, Wikipedia! Now I can advertise this thing that has been polluting best-seller stands at airports and convenience stores everywhere.

Fan Fiction. Hold on, people. We're about to go balls deep. Or ovaries deep, if you like.

Clker is my hero tonight. Thank goodness for fair use and free images of ovaries! This made my night.

I'm not sure how many assumptions I should make about you, my beloved readers; after all, given that you're on the internet and that you found my blog, you are probably familiar with geekery on some level. Just in case that isn't so, I'll explain what I'm talking about and why I'm about to throw a miniature temper tantrum. Still, I can't make accusations without a damn good case, and without a review of the evidence.

Fan fiction is usually composed in written media, though occasionally it extends to webcomics, films, drawings, paintings, and other media. The written stuff--everything from short stories to monstrous epistles longer than the source material--is the area I concern myself with.

What is fan fiction, and why do I care?: I'm going to to my best to keep this rant really short. Fan fiction is a polarizing and contentious area because it involves extending, modifying, or retelling existing stories, or the creation of new work within their universes. It exists in an awkward grey area of creativity, since it relies on not merely inspiration by, but actual use of other authors' and storytellers' creative property. Some of it is glorified shitastrophic porn. Some of it attempts to tweak a story to fit the author's own idea of how the plot should have played out; some of it retells the story in a different setting altogether. Still more fan fiction attempts to fill out the universe's plot holes and expand the world. It's impossible to fairly condemn all fan fiction, especially since some of it is created with the author's express permission. Lancelot was a late addition to Arthurian legend, and he adds a lot to the world. Lovecraft's friends often wrote in his universe, and helped spread the fame of the Cthulu mythos. Gregory McGuire, one of my favorite authors, retells and reinvents fairy tales as well as having created Wicked, an renowned reinvention of the Oz series. Clearly, then, fan fiction can lead to creation of something new, or add something to the world. What's the big problem, then?

Let's touch on that 'intellectual property' issue. Using characters in an unauthorized fashion and changing a story line technically violates copyright laws, as well as being in bad taste. Sometimes, leaning on pre-made fiction can be useful as a learning tool of new authors. All too often, it results in a perversion of the story that the original author finds downright offensive. This is a shame, and some authors go to great lengths to track it down and purge the internet of its presence. Others find it a compliment to their work.

Statement of bias: Personally, I am fine with stories set in the worlds I create, as long as the laws of the land are obeyed and consistent, and as long as the main story line and central characters I create are left out of it. Telling an author--not just me, any author--that you think your version of the main story is better when a few minor adjustments are made is, simply, an insult. Work can be based on a non-original idea, and a derivative can be really good or even better than the source, but something new must be brought to it. It is this that Fifty Shades fails at, and hard. Let the trial commence.

Wiki, you are the man. I'm a little teapot, short and stout, this is my judgment, just hear me out.

The crimes, and their degrees of guilt: Intent to imitate, 1st degree; borrowing of perfectly good ideas whilst not remaining true to their spirit, 2nd degree; hilariously poor descriptions plonked in the middle of sex scenes, 1st degree; poor, repeptitive sex scenes, 2nd degree; reckless failure to continue or properly handle side-plots, 3rd degree; and, finally, romanticising abuse, 1st degree.

The Prosecution: As stated previously, and by divers others, E.L. James borrowed her best ideas from the film Secretary, including the main character's physical appearance, her love interest's surname, the BDSM, and the Dominant blonde woman who ruins the male protagonist's life. Furthermore, James does so in a disreputable and awful fashion. Material was also stolen flagrantly from Twilight and its sequels; both crimes are committed and no credit is given. Also, she is guilty of some of the most hilariously awful mixed metaphors known to man, terrible plot structure, and using the term 'inner goddess' outside of a new age beauty manual. Defamation of the BDSM community and romanticising a number of unhealthy mental traits in an unacceptable manner are also serious issues.

The Defense:E.L. James' editor should have done something about this plot. Or, if something was done, more should have done. The story does differ from its sources enough to be on its own, and there are moments when it approaches insight and interesting sub-plotting. There is something underlying this, for all the poorly-implemented capitalist porn, that is interesting. (The capitalism porn stuff, incidentally, is eerily similar to some parody ideas I had about Twilight, which will be published in an upcoming blog.) Ultimately, there are moments when Christian Grey almost approaches a real, interesting character, mostly in the second book. It may not have been realised well, but there was a brief glimpse of something more lurking deep below the stupidity, and that is worth something.

Statement of the Judge:

Verdict: I'm going to have to agree with the majority of the intelligentsia and wits of the internet: this book series does, in fact, stink. It has moments of disgusting levels of anti-feminism, but the author does really try hard to make something worthwhile. She also published this as porn for herself, and was unapologetic about it. For all of its faults--and there are a lot--that deserves a little credit. Was it a good book? Not at all. Could it have been a good book? Perhaps; if it wasn't confined to imitation of the morally repugnant and hilariously awful Twilight series, or to poor and inaccurate imitation of a very fine and sweet film, Secretary. However, it was, and that--as well as blatant product placement and demonstration of disgusting levels of white privilege in mid-sex-scene--led to its ultimate downfall.

The Sentence: First of all, E.J. James needs to learn to write a coherent sentence, and when not to use fancy words from the automatic thesaurus function. I love words, and I love thesauri and idiosyncratic words. This was linguistic assault. Ten years hard writing labour and literary analysis of more than (gag) "Classic British novels" ought to do it. Shame on you, E.L.James, for profaning the names of Bronte, Hardy, and Austen. The books are sentenced to be read in the most hilarious fashion possible by Gilbert Gottfried, and to be mocked by the internet at will.

*****

Thanks again for tuning into my phuquerie. There will be more--updates about my writing, more feminism and literary criticism, and probably some movies. There might even be some politics and science! Keep an eye on new releases by following on Twitter and on Tumblr. This is your SciFiMagpie, over and out!

The Humble Bundle Reviews, Part 1: Psychonauts

Welcome to my Humble Bundle specials!

Since a rather fortuitous sale by a bunch of amazing indie developers has bestowed some beautiful games on Andrey, the rest of you get to benefit from a review! Or rather, five of them, because I will have a short review of every game in the pack.

This is Humble Bundle 5, for those of you unfamiliar with this charity campaign; this time, it's Child's Play, the group that provides games and controllers to kids with severe and terminal illnesses. And what do you get for your "pay what you want" donation? Why, only Amnesia, Psychonauts, Limbo, Superbrothers: Sword and Sorcery, and, if you pay more than $7.82, Bastion--and, they give you the soundtracks for the games too, which is amazing.

All right, now you're convinced that it's awesome, so here's a link to get the games and do some good. There's more information on the site, obviously:

The treasure trove, for your consideration.

Just to remind you--and to let you newcomers know how this works--he plays while I spectate, and my reviews are focussed mainly on writing and general construction rather than on gameplay. Some mechanics will be mentioned, but only if they're useful, relevant, or just overwhelmingly freakin' annoying. That's just how I roll.

All right! So, time for summary no. 1: Psychonauts. (2005)

Psychonauts: I May Not Know Karate, But I Do Know...Really Amazing Writing.

Psychonauts is a wonder. It's a genuinely amazing piece of gaming, and its legendary status is well-deserved. I was expecting to rip a few holes in this one, even though it's a classic, but, nope...it's marvellous. Many gamers have bemoaned the abandonment of sequels for this game, and the reason for that is simply that it somehow didn't sell enough back in 2005. That may change, though, since Schafer has made some cautious comments recently about a sequel, and fans have been clamouring for it since its release. Tim Schafer's brainchild is still alive and well, though, and it has held up shockingly well to the test of time. If you, like me, had heard of this game but never experienced it, you're going to need to go play it. Like, right now. Here are some reasons why.

Visual Design: The graphics do show their age, but seemed quaint rather than ugly or lumpy. The unusual design and stylised characters still look pretty good about seven years after its initial release. In the future, I can't say how well they'll hold up, but they look a hell of a lot better than I expected them to. The colourful worlds and whimsical detailing make it very entertaining to look at. It's a little bit reminiscent of American McGee's Alice, but not quite as dark. Any darker details tend to show up in specific levels in out-of-the-way places. However, discovering characters' memories in safes, and the old-fashioned projector/viewfinder that showcased their deeply private moments, yielded some disturbing and haunting still-image short stories. It's silly, but serious, and self-consistent; for a vaguely similar aesthetic, check out Xenoclash. (That baby is going to get a review as soon as there's time for it, by the way...)And similarly, there are some freaky sections--this is a serious spoiler, but "Milla's Children" creeped me the hell out. And the asylum's people were something special...and we haven't even gotten to the meat circus. Dibs on that band name, by the way.

Plot: Do I really need to tell you how many spoilers there will be in this section? Well, there are. Anyway. I will do a very brief version of this, because the only way to describe the full plot would take most of the article. A kid called Raz runs away from the circus to a fancy camp for psychics, to train them to be professional soldiers called "Psychonauts". He encounters other kids, crazy instructors, and a janitor-secret-agent with entertaining split-personalities. Eventually he also realises that something is awry when kids walk around moaning, "tee...veee...TV..." and the adult teachers go missing. Investigations reveal that the kids' brains are being stolen for a tank that runs on brains (extracted by super-sneezes, of course). Eventually, after he runs around for a while and rescues literally every other person in the camp, amusing circumstances result in him being stuck in his own brain, inside a tank, with the main antagonist as a child. There is a meat circus and a happy ending where everything is resolved...and then, there's a cliffhanger, where a second game was supposed to go, and never did. It's an odd little plot, very Saturday-morning cartoonish, but it works. Above all else, it's very well-implemented, and there are subtle levels of meaning and moral that make it a truly feel-good experience, not just a lump of candy.

Source. Raz, at left. And if you were wondering, yes, he does use those goggles, shockingly; they aren't just there for looks.

Characters: Oh thank god for giving us a childish game with a main character who's not a dumbass. Razputin--Raz--is a nice kid, and actually manages to be spunky without being offensive or pertly annoying. The other kids are realistically rotten, perverted, goofy, and sweet, without being precious or artificial. The voice-actors are pretty fun to listen to, and the same goes for the adults. I admit that the gap-toothed, ginger-fluff-haired bully made me want to punch the computer, but that was mostly due to my personal hatred for really gappy, uneven teeth. Surely this fancy government camp has a dentist somewhere? Oh well. I really liked Sasha Nein, too; his wry humour was understated and well-implemented. The romance is pretty good too--the kids are appropriately shy, enthusiastic, and inept, and the adults' romance tends to stay off-screen. The loving detail that went into the supporting cast is very apparent, and the well-developed world full of real characters makes the game even more fun.

Dialogue And General Writing: This was a real treat. There were lots of witty visual jokes--as someone trained in counselling, the fact that you can find "Emotional Baggage" and remove it by labelling it was hilarious. The use of Jungian theory and touches of other psychological ideas really amused me, and added an extra level of intelligence to the jokes. Then, at the asylum, the investigation into mental illnesses via metaphor was simply the best exploration of the subject I've ever seen, in a video game or movie, ever. There are also some good one-liners, and the settings are absorbing and believable. Of course, when I say "believable", I mean "involving wandering around the city mind of a mutated lungfish as a Brobdingnagian version of Raz in order to free said lungfish from mind control." Yeah. That's what I thought, too. This, my friends, is the essence of phuquerie, pure and undiluted.

Mechanics And Gameplay: The quests are nicely laid out in your notebook, and they'll pop up on your screen when you're in the relevant area. They keep these simple, and it's nice. It doesn't feel like you're doing a pointless grind. There is a lot of crap to pick up for various things, and as usual with adventure games, getting some of the items is a pain in the ass, but that all sort of goes with the genre. The camera doesn't move around too much, which is a relief for those who find shaky cam an irritation rather than a 'gritty style feature'. It's smooth, fun, well-done, and lacking in the usual adventure-game glitches. There are no sticky corners and minimal pixels, and that makes for a headache-free experience. Unless, of course, it crashes, but that is mercifully seldom. Some elements in navigation, monster-killing, and crap-finding are, and I quote, "doable but frustrating", but it's hardly the nightmarish difficulty level of, say, Dark Souls. (And yes, there will be a Dark Souls review eventually, but I need to get Andrey to stop rocking back and forth and whimpering every time I mention the game.)Oh, sure, there are level glitches and some annoying camera-work at times, but it's mostly pretty good. Some end levels are a pain--the meat circus and the day-glo velvet nightmare mexican level with the luchadores had Andrey swearing a fair bit, and I personally found the dancing level tiresome, but the rest was pretty decent.

Final Prognosis: A damn fine game that is actually worth the fuss. It's been reviewed by many people before, but it is definitely worth your investment in the Humble Bundle or on Steam. The visual design is absolutely wonderful, the writing is sensitive, cute, and clever but not afraid to go dark, and it all makes for an unmissable experience.

Thanks for tuning into the SciFiMagpie channel today. Follow me on Twitter for more updates and reviews, at SciFiMagpie. And, of course, don't forget to keep coming back this month for more reviews of the Humble Bundle, news about my writing, clever ideas, and more fun stuff than you can handle in a single sitting! So long for now...

Space Boobies: Sexy Aliens, the Pros and Cons (Yes, There are Cons)

Hello again, flock!

Today's post is brought to you by Facebook. A most excellent male friend often posts a question of the day, and they are generally geektastic opportunities for all of us on his friend list to riff and crack witticisms as we answer. Today's question was focused on sexy alien races, and which were the most appealing. It led to predictable hilarity, but, as these things so often do, it got me thinking.

Now, when I say 'sexy alien', you probably thought of the Asari race from Bioware's Mass Effect immediately. If you didn't, shame on you. And I'm about to show you why.

Source. Warning: contains shrill feminism.

You probably also thought of Twi'leks, from Star Wars. Here is the famous Oola, the chick who refuses to give Jabba sexual favours and is then eaten by a Rancor in Return of the Jedi.

Source. Warning: contains Wookiepedia's writing style and the beautiful Femi Taylor.

There are other examples, of course, but given that I had to turn Safesearch on just to find images that weren't pornographic, especially for Oola, I'm going to skip ahead. Point is, there are a lot of Sexy Alien Girls, from races named and unnamed, and Captain Kirk has slept with most of them.

This may surprise you (unless you actually read my blog regularly), but I'm not going to complain about the proliferation of hypersexual female aliens everywhere. Exaggeratedly large breasts, slim waists, full hips, juicy lips and wide eyes, long legs, elegant hands and feet--chances are, if you have a sexy alien race, they will be female and they will have all of these traits. The eyes sometimes change, and hair is usually the first thing to be modified or lost--along with skin tone, which is almost always blue for some reason--but the rest remain. And, again, in addition to finding these girls attractive myself, I don't have a problem with their designs. Blatant fanservice is fine, because males in zap-gun, zoom-pow sci-fi are inevitably pretty attractive and virile. Also, I fail to see how sex, and sexualization are a) new in human history, and/or b)OMG SO EVIL U GUYS!!!1!11

So, what's the big deal, again? If you like the sexy, why did you mention cons, SciFiMagpie?

So, sexy content is fine. It would be nice if it wasn't in every single bit of fiction ever, as that gets repetitive. In a general way, it would also be nice if the universes that include a Sexy Fanservice Female Race would compensate more by averaging some hideous and 'normal'-looking females into those races as well. There's also the issue of having one unrealistically attractive race making everyone else seem ugly, and therefore imposing a higher standard of physical beauty on every race/species involved in the universe, just to compensate. For example, Bioware allows players to create a muscular fat male player character in the Star Wars: The Old Republic MMORPG while withholding that option from female player builds. And, sure, ugly alien females exist in Star Wars, but when was the last time you saw an ugly female Twi'lek outside a convention? Didn't think so. In fact, just the fact that my joke was funny shows that Twi'lek beauty standards are annoyingly unrealistic. The boyfriend, who actually plays the MMO, claims that some do exist, but I haven't seen them myself, and you'd probably have to look pretty hard.

And, sure, it annoys me that all sexy alien girls are sexy in the same, somewhat Americanized way, but that's something that may improve with time. I can't blame the various science fiction authors and creators for giving us pretty, exotic girls: exoticism is always interesting, due to our biological imperative to mix genes.

(This is why foreigners are "always" sexy, if you were wondering: you're attracted to their hardy immune system and varied genetic stock. Doing the horizontal tango with someone from a different region or country means that your offspring will, in theory, be hardier and more genetically diverse. This is also why I have to beat away chicks with a club from my Russian boyfriend. I digress, here's the link to back it up.)

Proof of that immune system thang.

So, exotic girls with idealised beauty: all good, gives you something nice to look at while you're cruising around the galaxy. But...where are the sexy male characters? This is the crux of my problem. Having defended the reasons for feminine eye-candy, I find myself utterly unable to explain why the 21st century hasn't brought a bunch of equally delicious male species. Apart from various iterations of elves with a science fiction-flavoured twist, and, depending on what you're into, tentacled species, there aren't really a lot of sexualized male species out there. There are a few with outstanding charisma, sure, but even Bioware's Turians and Drell in Mass Effect are respectively a) really hard to sleep with and likely to cause an allergic reaction in humans and b)amphibious. There's a tendency to modify 'male' races more, give them more peculiar traits that are less attractive or more dangerous. Women are exactly as shallow as men when it comes to reactions to visual sexual stimuli, and it would be nice to see that reflected in character design. For example, broad shoulders, full lips, and well-shaped legs and chests are easy ways to keep our eyes on the guys. Then take that and add some creativity. Come on, visual designers, I know you can do this. And you can't say you're afraid of being called 'gay'. Gay guys play games too, and I'm pretty damn sure they'd love a little fan service. It's pretty damn sad when Googling 'sexy male aliens' yields nothing but...human males. And this.

Source. Warning: contains awesome. This chick has a good sense of humour.

I'm well aware that it's highly unlikely that Hollywood or the big game studios will give a crap about a few feminist blog posts asking them to a)tone down the exaggerated attractiveness of their female characters or b)scale up the physical attractivenss of their non-human male characters, but for the sake of argument, let's follow this through. Games are starting to show less hyper-sexualized chicks--compared to, say, Grand Theft Auto (different genre, I know, shut up) games such as Dark Souls, Skyrim, and films such as--oh wait, there weren't any science fiction movies last year that involved aliens. Never mind--are making a conscientious turn away from forcing all alien/exotic females to be sex toys. This is good, but we need more. Literature, of course, is fine, because authors can do whatever the hell they want, and there are enough books out there about alternate gender issues and that sort of thing that we don't need to worry. Visual media, however, are slow to catch up.

And the point is...?

Sex is okay. Being sexy is okay. Sexy girls are great. We just need a little more variety and more balanced representation of eye candy between the genders. Failing to do this not only bores us, it addes to that repetitive message about the unacceptability of physical flaws in this or any other universe. Also, boobs are great.

Well, that's our show for today. For more gamer jokes, analysis, and adorably witty insights, follow me on Twitter at SciFiMagpie. Don't forget to share this page and come back for more!If you don't, Oola will be very, very sad. And you don't want that, do you?

This is the SciFiMagpie, peacing out!

Missed It: The Illusionist Review

Hello, flock! Thanks for checking out another Missed It review. I've been reading a lot this week, but sometimes, Netflix teases me with old releases I could never find in stores. This was one of them. Tonight, we have The Illusionist, released in 2006, featuring Edward Norton, Rufus Sewell (he's following me, I swear) and Paul Giamatti.

Summary: The Illusionist is a movie about a woo-woo magician who may or may not have real magical powers. He falls in love above his station and causes some trouble. When the lady-love is revealed to be the darling of both the magician, Eisenheim, and crown prince of Vienna, shit hits the proverbial fan. There is a murder and a growly Chief Inspector of awesome on the case, and the rest of the film is just delicate suspense and pretty cinematography.

Pros: Once again, Rufus Sewell from Dark City plays a villain. His angry intensity and subdued portrayal of a man on the edge is increasingly interesting as the film goes on. He does wear the "goddamnit, I suffer fools not gladly" facial expression far too often, though. If you're not familiar with it, picture an angry but very patient sheep and splice in a little wolf. He gets the "goddamnit" look on his face so often, I was tempted to start taking a drink every time he gave old Eisenheim the Sewell Method Glare of Doom. Unlike A Knight's Tale, though, he was at least paying attention for this one and was actually somewhat scary.

Paul Giamatti does a fine job as Chief Inspector. I have a liking for Giamatti and his whole-hearted performances, and this performance was really excellent. It's fun to watch him sleuth out the murderer, even if he's far more Dr. Watson than Holmes. I often wished I could transport him to a better film, but at least he doesn't seem like a total hapless mook. He even gets to growl at people instead of whinge, and wears a nice suit in this movie!

Also it has this locket in it:

Here's an action shot that should explain my squealing noises.

Thanks to Jim, the creator of these wicked awesome movie-realistic lockets, for letting me use his image and the site. Buy one of these for your partner and he/she/it will think you're the coolest boyfriend/girlfriend ever, srsly.

The focus on jewellery appealed to this little magpie for sure. Am I shallow for enjoying the locket far more than I enjoyed the heroine who was wearing it? Yes? Well, anyway, it's a beautiful locket, and I'm going to go buy one now.

Cons: the love interest, Sophy, is a bland girl who just isn't interesting or even noticeable enough to carry the film. She has a mildly outspoken personality, sort of, and...actually, I can't think of any defining traits of her personality other than 'locket' and 'subdued grey dress with lots of buttons'. And as well,

SPOILER WARNING

When she died, I gave approximately one third of a shit, not even half. Not good, movie.

SPOILER ALERT SYSTEMS DEACTIVATED.

The wavering accents are also a minus, and they go up and down like a hooker working two waterbeds. Alas, Eisenheim is very flat. He lacks the magnetism of the two magicians in The Prestige and is far too reserved. His performance was praised, but ot's too far off the 'understated' side of the curve for my taste, and far less than angry sheep Sewell and sheepdog Giamatti.

My biggest gripe involves the mystical approach to magic. It's very annoying to anyone who enjoys either stage magic or proper fantasy settings. Nothing is explained and the "it's only a trick" thing is pretty flimsy. If you are going to have a "speculations on the nature of reality" film, a less drowsy pace and actually trying to convice the audience that science was possibly involved is necessary. Casting your rationalist scientist as the villain is pretty dull. As enjoyable as it is to watch Sewell get his nuts in a knot over Norton's tricks, the tepid pace sucks the life out of it. (Also, blurry and tepid sex scene for the lose.) There is another easter egg, though; the ginger actor from Moulin Rouge shows up as a sidekick. It is as though they are giving us a buffet option with overactors.

Final prognosis: 6 out of 10 for making me fidgety and mumble 'GET ON WITH IT' under my breath. Worth a watch for the aesthetic value and fine muscial score. I liked the twist at the end, much as it was sort of predictable, but the rest of the film is a trial of patience at times, However, its potential for drinking games gives it far more interest for the future.

That was two reviews put out in a single night! Aren't you some lucky people. Follow me on Twitter at SciFiMagpie or be square. And failing that, check out Jim's site; he's extremely friendly. See you soon!

Missed It: A Knight's Tale Review

I am a special kind of person. The kind who managed to miss such film classics as Top Gun, Casablanca, and Clueless in my childhood. So, from time to time I will post a quick review of movies and books I either a) miraculously missed or b) just discovered, and c) definitely think you should not miss. Or, sometimes, d) think you need to miss as hard as possible, because it is e) embarassingly mediocre or f) soul-scarringly, chew-your-own-nuts-off-to-escape awful.

Mediaeval Bestiary

Allegedly beavers would bite off their own nuts to evade hunters. That explains a lot about Canadians.

Tonight's feature is A Knight's Tale (2001), featuring Heath Ledger.
Summary: Poor dude impersonates rich master. A montage and some wacky happenings later, he jousts as a knight to win the heart of a girl he wants to bang. His fuckery is discovered, he is barred from competing in Ze Big Joust. He gets taunted, but the prince he conveniently saved from boredom knights him, making him eligible again. Dude defeats antagonist, wins the girl, and wins the tourney.

Pros: cute protagonist and seeing Alan Tudyk (you know, Wash from Firefly) and the dude from Dark City co-starring. Also lots of funny moments, a very sweet emotional one, silly rock soundtrack, and mediaeval fuckery.

Cons: Atrocious acting by Dark City guy, who decided that if less is more, then even more lessness is clearly more. Princess Peach, the love interest, somehow pulls off being bitchy, listless, AND bland. The American Dream message and irrelevant settings are ham-fisted in handling and annoying after a while. Also, severe historical fuckery, especially related to costumes.

Final Verdict: 8 out of 10 for unapologetic enjoyability. Goofy, feel-good fun with a few cute guys and girls. Great for movie marathons. Bad choice for days when you want some depth, but perfect for a light comedy with some over-the-top epic moments. Go watch it on Netflix. Seriously. As an added bonus, it is definitely not going to make you chew your own nuts off, unless you happen to be a scholar with a focus on History of the Middle Ages.

Stay tuned for more treats, because you know I'll be back with more brain wormholes and salt for your soul. And don't forget to share, find me on Twitter at SciFiMagpie, and check back regularly for more reviews, writing, and general fuckery!