But the effort of monetizing work is a hidden burden
Lurking behind a hill, blotting out a sunset
I'm coming to hate my art
I can string bright glowing glass and sparkling stones
With iridescent shells to make a necklace
It's not good enough
I can knit fluffy soothing yarn or soft chenille or
Perky daring colorful novelty fibers into
Improbably cosy sweaters
It's not good enough
I weave descriptions and worlds from dust
And imagined shadows into aching glory
It's not good enough
I can sing trembling lines of poetry and melody
from silence and stillness into colour
It's not good enough
To survive under capitalism
What happened to the starry future skies
We used to dream up,
With mechanized wonders and lives of leisure
And brilliant new attractions and follies
Everything is either popular, for rich people, or carefully faked
I hate my art because
I'm not famous on tiktok
Because at some point art has started to feel like
Palliative care for the soul
And regardless of skill
I'm too ugly to go viral
***
A writer and professional freelance editor, Michelle
Browne lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partners-in-crime and their cats. She
is currently working on the next books in her series, other people's
manuscripts, knitting, jewelry-making, and drinking as much tea as humanly
possible.
Saddle up, kids, because the Magpie is mad about a video on the internet again. Content warnings apply for discussions of sexual assault, consent, queer stuff, and a whole plethora of different types of prejudice and phobias.
As readers of my articles and general members of my social sphere may know already, I'm a big proponent of sex work advocacy. I find the area interesting, it's sometimes ethically fraught and complex, and it's one in which a lot of marginalized oppressions and issues dovetail together. There's a ton of societal prejudice involved as well. So when I see discussions about sex work - which are related to issues of drug decriminalisation, police abolition and reform, and prison abolition and reform as well - I perk up.
This time, however, I was about to be very disappointed.
Don't trust the character witnesses
Let's start by talking about two of the figures alluded to in the video. There was a controversy surrounding much-maligned influencer Belle Delphine's use of bondage and a gag in a photoshoot that appeared on her Twitter. Personally, many of Belle Delphine's "scandalous" activities don't bother me in the least. They're one of the best things about her. I agree that she's hilarious and clever - but stealing other sex workers' nudes is absolutely not okay. in addition to just being theft of someone else's hard work, it's a huge violation of privacy.
That being said, people subscribing to her who complained about sexual photo content featuring a kink are absolutely baffling. They have the option to unfollow her, and not consent to things. If someone is explicitly a sexually-focused adult content creator, being upset when they stray outside certain norms seems stupifyingly naive and entitled. Content warnings aren't a bad practice - but when a certain type of content is a normal part of someone's output, it seems disingenuous to be shocked. After all, this is not just another Disney starlet turned provocateuse we're talking about - it's someone who explicitly makes, well, explicit content.
Hot girls want respect
In relation to the sex industry, erotic content, and the like, discussions of the nature of sex work and its inherent morality in the context of exploitative systems often crop up. However, these discussions usually occur about sex workers rather than with them - a prime example being Hot Girls Wanted.
Do not trust people in the rescue industry or who talk about "human trafficking" in hushed tones, but focus on the 13% of sex trafficking rather than the other agricultural and domestic labour trafficking that comprises the majority of the market. Jones particularly shaped the narrative to fit that kind of "sex is empowerment, but uh-oh, girls are over their heads" perspective that anti-sex work rescue organizations tend to push. It's condescending and disrespectful to the adult people participating.
I'm not saying that there aren't nuances to this, but the fact remains that the majority of people actually abused in sex work tend to be people of colour, often trans or queer youths, or those with disabilities or mental and physical health issues - or a combination of the above. And even then, what we should be doing is not "registering" or "legalizing" sex work - which tends to involve barriers for the very poorest people trying to survive on it - but should be decriminalizing it and providing access to health clinics and other resources.
Now, with that said, let's talk about the broader issue of consent and perceived exploitation - especially in reference to the video's comment section.
Talking first matters
The fact that people don't know the difference between BDSM and abuse is really disturbing. BDSM is not abuse because by definition, consent is involved. Abuse happens without consent. If someone wants something, and asks for it, that's so drastically different from a guy choking a girl without asking. (Note that the video references only straight-facing or female-male interactions, ignoring the long history of association between queerness and kink; something that I'll get to in a second.) Broadly, the lack of understanding of female, afab, and other genders' roles in their own pleasure is kind of disturbing. And after all, someone doesn't need to know about BDSM to treat a woman badly.
Of course it's absurd to penalise people for enjoying "vanilla" sex - that shouldn't be insulted either. We can have both acceptance of kink and non-heterosexual or unconventional sex, while leaving plenty of room for "normal" sex. The fact that all of this is a shifting target, that "normalcy" changes anyway, should not be ignored either. But as usual, people are a lot madder at some teenage girls on Tiktok for normalizing something than they are at men for exploiting miscommunications or not saying things in the first place. And besides - it's not like Tiktok invented mainstream kink.
Fifty Shades of Are You Kidding
The fact that the video blatantly ignores or forgets the existence of the hyper-marketed Fifty Shades series, which - for all its many, many faults - mainstreamed the concept of pornography for women, especially kinky pornography, is stupifying. I realise the creator is 22, but even if she somehow didn't know that the international series existed, it would be hard to search BDSM without the series cropping up somewhere in the Google results.
It's certainly frustrating to see people blame young girls and women simultaneously for their ignorance and for role-modelling bad behaviour. But this begs the question - at what point are people allowed to stop being treated as potential role models? That can stifle self-expression.
There's also a subtler problem, not mentioned in the video but discussed in the comments - the fact that kink isn't just a thing played with by straight or straight-facing couples. Kink and BDSM have deep roots in the LGBTQ+ community.
Acceptable queerness
The comments on the video mention the relationship between kink and Pride events as well, with many readers expressing disgust or discomfort with "children seeing that sort of thing." Others countered that Pride wasn't about catering to straight people's families. All of this, however, avoids a brass tacks discussion: what specific kinks and displays were people finding offensive?
People alluded to seeing leashes and bondage harnesses, and mentioned nudity - but full-on nudity would indecent exposure anyway. As radical a position as I often take, I'm fine with saying that people should cover their genitals in public. That seems like a pretty reasonable stance.
I checked in with other friends who've seen a few Prides over the years, and they mentioned that the worst they've seen were a few leather daddies - men in chaps, harnesses, and that sort of thing; maybe bottoms that were too tight. I've seen some rope harnesses here and there, but never actual nudity at parades.
Here's the thing. Online adverts, movies, side banners, game ads particularly - any of these display women in sexually provocative gear on a regular basis. But because it's catered towards a straight male gaze, it passes without comment. I have never had a problem with sexual advertising, but I do have a big problem with the double standard for queer folks and non-gender conforming presentations. Things that wouldn't draw a second glance if a hot blonde woman wore them, when transposed onto other bodies, are suddenly shocking and appalling and not fit for children.
It is also interesting that of the people who've been caught performing non-normativekink acts inpublic, all of them were straight or straight-facing couples. Queer couples aren't even allowed to get married in every country, meaning that they're usually deprived of marriage-locked social system benefits, including things like seeing one's partner at the hospital during a health emergency. Marriage isn't just a cutesy conformist luxury - it represents an access to certain rights. Because LGBTQ+ couples are tolerated in many countries, but only just, and persecuted or criminalised in many others, it's perhaps unsurprising that all of the people inflicting their kinks on the public outside of Pride events are overwhelmingly straight-facing or straight and white.
What's the takeaway?
Lecturing the person getting choked unexpectedly for not talking about what they're into is victim-blaming. There is no way to be a good enough person to avoid aggression. The problem is the person performing that aggression in the first place.
And once again - why are we policing women, or afab people and queers, rather than demanding that men be the ones to learn how to talk about kink? Why are guys not getting consent before they choke someone?
***
Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and their cats. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people’s manuscripts, the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.
Recovering from mental health problems to any extent is kind of a weird feeling. Being able to function again - or more - is strange enough that I'll have to talk about it at length some time, but I haven't refined those thoughts yet.
However, I have been able to clean and move things around, and dress differently - and that's changed my perspective. So, to the best of my ability, here's some stuff I've noticed and some advice I've gathered.
How's it look?
It makes a big difference to feel good about where you live, and watching DIY videos often show me nicely decorated spaces. In addition, tiny house and interior decorating videos often provoke not envy, but provide inspiration.
Tumblr and other visual-media based social networks, Facebook included, are notorious for inspiring envy. Instead, it should inspire fellowship and aspiration. I like haul videos and diy videos - have learned a few tricks, and just making the jump from seeing to trying something can make a huge difference.
A great way to improve your surroundings affordably is to use Facebook Marketplace, Kijiji, or thrifting. This can take time, but it's about the same as shopping online, and can often be much cheaper. You'd be surprised what you can find, and it's often in good shape.
Some basic suggestions
Tiny houses are cool not because they're small, but because they make use of innovative storage techniques. Any space - including, say, a mobile home or extremely modest two-bedroom apartment - can feel big and clean if you plan it out.
Make use of nooks and crannies, and get as many shelves as you can. Remember, wall decorations don't have to be pictures - you can stick up a rack to hang jewelry, or stick floating shelves up for even more storage, or to display a curio like an enameled plate.
A healthy way to change up or enrich your space is to add some plants; spider plants or succulents have become popular because they endure even the most forgetful gardener. However, fake plants are a good way to split the difference on this.
The secret sauce of good decorating appears to be color-coordinating your space as best as you can and using lots of baskets and boxes for storage. It keeps things from looking messy and makes it easier to clean. Of course, you still have to organize the contents, but it's progress.
We all love blankets and pillows, and blankets and throw pillows are a great way to both make a place look seasonably comfy and add some decor. If your couch has been attacked by a cat or your furniture otherwise needs repair, a throw blanket also hides a lot of sins. Rotating them by color is a good idea, and a relatively easy way to both redecorate and maximize your comfiness.
Fabric is a fundamental of organizing and decorating space, and adding or changing your curtains can make a huge difference. Thrifting or reusing scarves or panels of fabric is a good way to fancy up a space. Got something with a cool pattern? It's now a wall-hanging, and it'll reduce the echo in your space, too.
Maybe you don't have a curtain rod. No problem. Sticking up curtains with rounded pins from a dollar store is a great way to make the thumbtacks look fancier without having to install hardware. As well, a thin curtain makes for a surprisingly great room divider. It can also be used to soften a harsh light, as in the case of the blue curtain over my very yellow office light. Anyone with mobility issues might need a friend or partner's help to get curtains up, but they can add a lot of privacy and help create changeable "mini-rooms."
Also, don't feel constrained by the intended purpose of a room. A living room can be a dining room, and anything can be an office - even a storage closet. With the addition of shelves for clothes, a storage closet can also (if you're a clothes horse like me) become a walk-in closet.
Walls are your best friend; when it comes to decorating or moving things around in a room, start at the walls and work inwards, trying to leave the middle free. Be aware of the traffic of each room. As long as you can all move around, what else matters?
Isn't decorating exhausting?
This may sound like a lot of work, but the key is working with whomever you live with you get it done. Whether you have roommates, a spouse, children, extended family, or all of the above, it's important to be allies in making your living space mutually pleasant.
It's also a great way to bond with people and feel allied with one another. It's much easier to be agreeable when you feel united and as though you have things in common. Talking about what you like to look at is a good way to start on this.
What's this got to do with Instagram?
Instagram - along with, to some extent, TikTok, Snapchat, and other visually-based social media platforms - is known for its performative aspects. But when we look at people doing stuff, showing off and sharing their best moments, what we should take away is not envy, but aspirations and strategies.
I've never had this envy problem for some reason, but I think I've figured out why. My approach to seeing other people's vacation photos or selfies is fundamentally different. What I take away from Instagram is simple - wanting to go on adventures, take pictures of myself and friends, bake things, and make things.
Instead of envy, try to think of how to make things happen in your own life. Neat makeup technique? Just try it, and laugh off the mistakes. Pretty drawing? It's worth trying to copy it or draw something different, even if you think you'll fail. Failure builds the bones of skill. And above all, do your best ot go outside. Adventures don't have to be expensive - you can take pictures of a walk around your neighborhood, through your favorite park, through a new park, or try a new cafe. Another great way to feel fancy is make yourself a little pack lunch. maybe it's just some veggies and a sandwich, but if you cut it up and arrange it nicely for yourself, it will feel special
.
Enjoy the moments that compose undertaking an action. Taking pics of yourself smiling or while doing even ordinary activities, like having a coffee with friends or walking the dog, will help you remember times more and make them seem brighter both in the present and the future. Little goals, like getting a mirror in the hall or putting up some curtains, can make a huge difference.
And remember - it's never too late to do something nice that you've been putting off. Self-care doesn't have to cost money to be useful or valid. Sometimes, it's as simple as switching out your pillows and blankets and putting up a little fall decor - because you finally can.
***
Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and Max the cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people's manuscripts,the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.
